my paper read.

2011-10-15T16:34:00.003+08:00

09082011 is awful.

Wanted to blog sometime back but i have a problem with blogger, hence no updates. If you would like to follow on me, facebook is quicker.

I miss SL, wonder how she is. <3

Alot had happened the past two months. But my body didnt feel that time had passed. Have been busy. And despite having more things coming my way, something in my life never changed.

Its probably you. that thing. and that that thing.

oh life.

Well he said really nice things to me recently. Even though hes harsh on me still well i know thats him for treating close ones. Because his previous lover told me hes harsh in his words all the times. So im taking that he cherish me in a way he gets fed up easily at me. :)

I remember that you are gonna come to me .. .. if .. .. .. if .. :) love you L.

its stupid.

2011-07-28T02:30:00.005+08:00

hello sweetheart.

its 230am now. im still not sleeping. well people dont exactly blog hop these days, so hopefully my words to you can get increasingly personal.

I was feeling active at this hour, still. Had a big bowl of the pig tail peanuts soup, it was absolutely tasty. Now as i type till here, i just got myself another hot bowl of soup! Im drinking this late because i mistook there was no soup and little dinner tonight. All cos i told my parents i will not be returning early.

Yes, that explained my vibes in the night. I patronised the gym earlier. Boy lemme tell you its one in a lifetime experience. Ive always seen people enjoying gyming, then sauna then bath and the all lockers toilet scene. Well how magnificient that was! Dont mistake me, ive had bought series of spa treatment but none had fascinated me as much as this. I could even attend the dance classes aerobics stances combat classes. Or even yoga!

This was exactly cool. I signed myself up after a spur of the thoughts on Sunday. Even rang one of my babes up. Yes that my good friend, from my previous basketball club mates, very sweet lady. Anyway she provided just an assurance for me to join, with consideration to the fees. Cos ive decided to give it a try before i dial her number. So yeps, i joined yesterday and earlier, which is the following day. Im there! Working my ass off. Do you know how much pounds ive put on the last 4 months. Right, its 12 pounds! Out of a suddenly i couldnt fit my wardrobe. Yes it wasnt a typo. I could not wear most of the clothes in my wardrobe! Ive been out shopping frantically during the SIngapore sales to replace the clothes. But thought i could have replaced the cost of buying new clothes to buying a membership at the GYM situated at the heart of the city. Yes it cost me one tenth of your 10K. One lump sum. I'm not gonna say hello im rich cos im working and one k is nothing. I dont feel the pinch but i grew up in an average family so i have alot of money sense ok. If im a millionaire i wont be here typing blog. I'll be out making out with some hot dudes OKAY. Im kidding.

So being an adult, its weird to try something unfamiliar. You should not lose your cool yet am excited about all the new facilities im gonna be exposed to. So i treat myself like a lady. Yes. I have a lil bumps here and there, not literally, well just abit too nervous, Cos im acting like i have been a long time patroniser like the oher ladies, who all act tough and strong in the lockers room. Well not that i didnt meet girls like that, ive played around 8 years competitive basketball mind u. We met the girls in the ladies all the times. But i'll say ive been working faithfully and not so remembered how it feels like to meet these ladies. Not to mention at tthis gym here, you have the capable working class frequenting the gym after work, the tais tais, models, girlfriends of celebs, rich, bosses, or just plains. I tried to buff my courage, yes not the body cos too fat. So after i changed out of my MANGO set of working suits, (half suit cos i cant fit the blazer these days!) i am finally looking decent enough in a gym, and the ladies are making way for me. Am i a tad too fierce? Yes i supposed. Dont know why i'd lose the confidence implicitly. Hello who else can be more fierce and stronger than a basketballer?! A centre at that somemore. Well unless u said the athletes who run too well, or the other ardent sports talents. If not i dont really care who the hell you are. All i know is gym has a familiar scent, since i visited the public gym often, whenever i have the time! So no fret no fret. Now evon is growing into a young woman. Cos the ladies were practically naked on the lower or upper body, leaving their old lingerie hanging on them. YUCKS, what a sight. Somemore u knew, they are not young, and i gave you my words, they aint athletes. Just started working out, ABIT, now that they are older. or richer. ehs.

Getting far stretch. Well im so gonna visit the gym everyday. I hope the staffs dont recognise me. Tata.

2011-03-20T15:41:00.000+08:00

i let myself go. :)

2011-02-28T02:49:00.003+08:00

insofar theres only you on my mind.
only you.
why you just wouldnt bulge, to a platonic friendship.
:)

2011-01-17T00:20:00.002+08:00

heh know what. Rcently i bumped into the accountant who was my superior when i was doing an internship for my diploma! Well it was two times in a month on the train in the morning. The first time was like this: i was constantly reading my newspaper but i noticed a man whos keep looking at me. I didnt bother till i decided to look up when we was approaching one of the station. Uh there you go, its him! we say hi and he got off soon as its his stop. the second time, our eyes locked when hes stepping in so i manage a conversation with him before he gets off for his stop. So everything was great and we exchange contacts! He has been very sweet in the messages. Well hopefully i could meet him up soon for a meal, cos he has really been very nice while i was learning under him previously seriously!

Ugg im pretty tired now. There were trains of thoughts flowing here and there on my mind. i think my brain will collapse soon if i continue to think like this. It was work, then it could have been the housechore, my terrapin, my plants, then my piano scores. then my work again. It goes on and forth, then back and forth again. I'd wished there were 903785938401 evon, so i can do whatever i like and enjoying them all at the same time. But truth prevails, it was not! Sighs, i had an assignment to close on the weekend, yes i brought work home but i dont seem to be able to get down to it. ugggg. tomorrow i will be off to my client's place again. This time i will be heading to bukit merah for a number of days. but my mind is so tired now. Uggg. Worst. the finance manager and the accountant are gays. Hais must really think about how should i handle them tomorrow.. the accountant is a pretty weak guy looking pleasant but the finance manager is a sore in the eyes. ACTIVE sisssy. Hyper and talks very fast. after dealing me twice. hes complaining sick of auditors. arseholes.

oh how i miss him. thought we could catch a show earlier but he had a function to attend. i dont care about the credibility in his words. all i know is im taking things in my stride and also to his fancy. I will not force him to do something he doesnt like. AS long as he like it. Till the day my heart finally no longer grow fonder of him, i know thats then i will free myself 100% finally. Please heaven please free his clutch over my heart. over my mind. over my soul. Its feels yucky :)

2011-01-10T01:34:00.003+08:00

Hello
i met my sweetheart up around christmas and send him my biggest regards and the christmas gift i got him for him from burberry. I hope he loves it but later, last week he told me its too precious a gift for him. Im glad he has high regards for what i got him. I Ireally do think you deserve the best. just. every good darn thing. I dont want you to despair and wallow in self-pity. I want you to be out there. because you are incredibly outstanding, you'll stand among your peers. I want you to shine because there is so much potential in you. I dont know why. Mostly you are dominating but i dont know why you wanna take the second stand before me. You are up there. I dont know. I have been working on you for four years. till i do, really do feel lethargic sometimes. I feel like giving up but i dont want to abandon a project which i have workedfor so long, i know im gonna succeed in you. Kindly let me finish you before i move on to the next phase. Oh god.

You indeed have a self-absorbed friend here. Yes me. Im pretty busy these days, into myself, my work. Have been working very hard, learning every possible thing i could in the company from my manager and my work. They have proved to be a good challenge. Well i just hope time could be lenient with me and let me finish my job within the supposed dateline. I wanna soar.

Just msned with sok whos doing very well in USA. She invited me to visit her this early summer but i dont know if i should go. Miss her so much man. In the past at least i can ask her accompany me to lunch or a good movie but shes not around these day. Well i think its a darn fab idea to travel around with a mate whos been through things here and there with you back then in sec sch! :) then Yang is going to Czech man thought i might join ting to visit his bro yang during june if we could. argh. It'd be really damn cool. Antique places castles and prague. omg. Jeff asked me to go back with him to his hometown in China in march but i dont think i will apply leaves to go with him. Partly the trip isnt that attractive enough for me to give up working hard on my job in march. Though i would really love to eat all those food he mentioned, and that i will be staying in his pretty house and the fact that he will play host to all my meals and etcs. hmmmm. it'll be lovely to travel with all these people whom i like. :) but i really cant go in march because of an important celebrated day - him. My bud-love cecilia wanna visit japan, but it'll just mainly be a trip i think but i'll definitely not be making trip to japan cos im not a fan. Im more steered towards seoul cos im a major kpop fan. Aiya well..

my co. just sent me to Bintan last week for an assignment. Hopefully they'll send me to China next! I shall work harder. Whats more. oh and i miss those friends whom ive not been seeing. Those that i often hang around while i was in college. But things just get busy. I think the ones ive been seeing these days are my colleagues and my manager. Its really cool to have a male upper management cos you know how much i hate the female management whos fat, short and a tad ugly. I believe when they say their heart is as ugly as how they look. Im not referring those that dont look beautiful and that they have a bad character. its more of the looks being damn unpleasant that you know something not good is coming out of them. Well you know im not someone who discriminates. Just ignore the bad comparison that im referring to lets go back to my manager. Well hes been really kind to me, helping me here and there. But i felt really bad when i couldnt live up to his expectation of me when the job gets kind of tripping here and there. He would spend hours coaching me and guiding me. Do you know audit manager had really a tight timecost to stick to yet he dedicating hours of his time for me each day. Talking to me discussing stuffs with me? He is just fabulous! Sometimes we will work overtime together. And i would feel motivated to work on late nights with him because he is inspiring. He could in few sentences point out my dead weak points and advise me the ways to work on them. The greatest thing is i found them so true and effective, however if i follow what he said. Hes a successful man, having graduate from the top boys school and a good college. Hes everything great a woman is looking for in a man. I know i can rely on him whenever im stuck in my job or reach the bottle neck. Im thankful to god for a man like him. Dont get me wrong here we have nothing going on hes my idol though well you know he has a wicked sense of humour, smiles alot at me and send me winks sometimes. I totally wanna faint. Hes a role model, ive found in my profession. :) thank you.

im falling sick frequently these 3 weeks. Too busy seriously till i fall sick, i tell you. It was msia trip hard work in the office. bintan and then msia trip . then countdown then hard late work in the co. again. plus hardcore shopping for zara mango agnes and all the big brands small brands in town. Time is not enough, seriously hello. argh. so be glad if im going out with you and that im meeting any of you despite the busy schedule. cos i love you guys. and i miss you all.

goodnight, evon.

2010-12-13T00:57:00.003+08:00

oh how i miss you.
life has never been this fulfilling. im working mon fri to earn money with my brain and sweat. meeting people from above my level. the finance managers, accountants. CEOs and directors. Recently i was auditing one of the accounts of the established F&B local restaurants, met the chairman and we chatted. He was kidding i could work late over at his semi-office and home property, that has a market price of $3million. His staff were leaving, theres me and the mister only. I like my job because with this title granted to me, i was able to network with people, with ability and status way beyond my level. People respect and love you. I love the mannerism and the friendliness coming from the people, despite the possibility of faking and shallowness. Afterall, people are treating me, nice. Civilization is important, because i stand no gawkiness.
Frequent friday nights, i'll be out there painting the town. ahem, painting the food. Shopped plenty, Ate alot, much laughter. I'll be with my friends. my colleagues. People whom i feel safe with, whom i feel comfortable leaving myself with. Come weekends, i rise early. Visit the markets, immersed myself with aunties, uncles and the marketers. To remind myself that, there could be still the simple and gullible elderly arounds. Those who buy for the family, that means shopping for FOOD to whip up meals for the family says that particular human is carrying with them the purest, pristine intention with them. The thought of this is enough to warm me. Thus, i like, i like to hang around the market with these people. Even it means seeing the bangladesh in the market; who works hard, earns little but is marketing for food to fill their stomachs. smiles.
When i have time in the morning, i'll care for my plants, watering and ensure they receive plenty of sunshine. I love potted greenies and fresh flowers. Also, i have to shrub the mini-pond of my terrapin, communicate with him in case he felt too lonely. Terrapin is a lonely creature, fortunately, they love solitary, so it doesnt matter i only spend my time with him on the weekends. Human is different, we felt lonely in the heart most of the time but, we do not love the feeling for long. Occasionally in the afternoon i'll bang on the piano; i have alot scores waiting for me to play but ive been busy recently. Same goes to my books, who are laid, too neatly in the bookshelves. Argh need to flip them soon. I read alot too, and then appreciate a good movie in the evening. If not for the aforementioned, i'll sleep alot like i never do in the weekdays. Pretty true, i never sleep enough on weekdays. hees. Now my sister insisted i played Khalil Fong's song in the background. I told her, i wanted either an english or korean song to be played. But well, we played "Nothings gonna change my love for you". This sings into my heart. No matter, where i was, where i am. He never leave my thought. Hes there with me, in my thought. I imagined one time, if. If hes dead somewhere someday, i'll be unable to take it. But i'll mourn for him like a widow. I'll be with him throughout the wake, i'll cry relentlessly. I'll take care of his family for him. To me, it'll be the highest level of love that i could give, him. Im pretty happy with my life these days, but without him, its never, ever complete. Thought i should work hard to fill this empty piece of puzzle of my heart. But i dont know how much further i have to go to warm his heart again. His heart, who has long given up on everyone, including himself. I went to his house yesterday. Just wanna caught a glimpse of things that associated with him; and i'll be contented. Just like i used to do; driving to his house everyday after school. Not a stalker, but i want him safe and sound. Even if it means watching him afar, even if it means, watching him with someone he love, from afar. I dont mind. I saw potted plants outside his home. The number grows. Well, hes someone with enormous love, that he has to water them into his plants, feeding them to his pets. He kept a fair amount of pets. Oh god how i need him by me now. At times, i couldnt help, i walk to his door and stop. Hes just within 3m-4metres from me but we are like worlds apart. As the saying goes, "my love is before me but he dont know i love him".

If i had to live my life without you near me my life would be empty life would be so long.
i miss you, only you.

2010-11-21T21:31:00.003+08:00

강타-그대여서
Kangta - because of you

오랜만이라는 인사는 유난히도 어색하지만
o rae man ni ra neun in sa do yu nan hi do eo saek ka ji man
很久沒見的問候格外地覺得尷尬

잘지냈냐는 그 인사도 왠지 예전관 다르지만
jal ji nae nya neun keu in sa do waen ji ye jeon gwan da reu ji man
問你過得好嗎的問候不知道為甚麼已與從前不一樣

아직도 변함없는 건 그대를 향한 바보같은 내 맘이죠
Ajik do byeon ham eob neun geon keu dae reul hyang han pa bo gat teun nae mam mi do
仍然沒有改變面對你傻瓜一樣的心意

오랜시간이 지나 오늘에야 나 그댈 볼 수가 있죠.
O raen ji gan ni ji na o neul re ya na keu dael bol su ga it jyo
很長的時間過去今天我才能見到你

내게 거짓말 같은 시간이 오늘을 지나 내일도 흐르겠죠.
Nae ge geo ji mal gat teun si gan ni o neul ni ji na nae il do heu reu ge jyo
對我來說像謊言一樣的時間今天過去了明天也會過去

지금처럼이기를 기도하죠.
Ji geum cheo reom I gi reul ki do ha jyo
祈禱能像最初一樣

우연이라도 그대를 마주치면 그걸로 난 충분하죠.
Wu yeon ni ra do keu dae reul ma ju chi myeon keu geol ro nan chung bun ha jyo
就算偶然遇到你我也心滿意足

그것만으로 난 사랑할 수 있겠죠.
Keu geot man neu ro nan sa rang hal su it ge jyo
這樣我可以愛你

적어도 하루는.
Jeok geo do ha ru neun
至少一天

my tears rolled off my cheeks INSTANTLY when it came to the chorus.

2010-11-14T15:46:00.003+08:00

Its a wet sunday afternoon. Mummy went for her dancing competition, brother was in hongkong for a a company meeting. Sis went out to do her project, dad went to joined his friend at the shopping mall to drink coffee.

Im practising songs on the piano but my heart couldnt focus. Felt pretty tired. Tried to record a video of myself playing the songs, it was quite cool but im playing all the old songs. This past 4months couldnt really concentrate on learning new songs. So i stopped to facebooking and browse around. Most of the weekdays are spent entirely on work, so i could only have time for myself on weekends. This morning i was gardening, watering them and ensuring they received sufficient morning bask. Bathed my terrapin and fed it vitamins. Tried to read a book but couldnt continue too. Isnt there alot of things on my mind? Yes this is how complex my mind is. I wish there are 10 of me to do all the things i like. I feel like visiting starbucks now for a coffee with my laptop and also, probably a book on auditing but there might not be anyone to accompany me, so i dropped the idea. I dont mind sitting there alone, but im just afraid no one to tend to my things if i wanna visit the loo or what.

I find it warmth to stay at home alone, it was serene. Since its pouring, i could smell rain and life. Im pretty much a sensual lady, with overflow emotions. I like my life with a lil drama, not a hackneyed plot.

Well youtubed and found a new vid on KANGTA. Yes he has come back from army since Feb. Now he has a new chinese song released in China. Goddarn he is still as drooling-handsome! Come sweeping me the way he did before. Thats why ive laid my eyes on him years back. I knew he'll still be glowing ever ever. Never chose the wrong idol! That goes the same for my love. Once ive chosen him, i'd not pledge loyalty to just any other. Too bad he didnt know about it. Because hes a stupid big boy, naive at everything. Hate myself for loving a kid.

Work is satisfying, i enjoy working. As the saying goes, if you enjoy your work, it'll no longer be work. I never once dreaded my work before. I really love it. I treat it as a learning journey, like how i learn in school previously. Everyday im exposed to new clients, new accounts, new stories that were hidden behind the figures. Hopefully i can work harder and climb up the corporate ladder in a few years time. I enjoy meeting the rich clients, helping them to audit their management accounts, making sure that they comply with the regulations and rules of the standards as required locally. Thank you god for loving me, cos i love you too.

Now let me share with you the comeback of my beloved, Kangta: Love frequency.

2010-10-27T02:38:00.002+08:00

Hello, i have been absent for two months.

Because your dear evon has been working.

Yes working, not working hard.

Its 2.39am now, ive just reached home around 2am, had my dinner at 2.20am and then the drinking the soup my mother brewed in the day earlier. Yes im still not workiing hard, just working late.

I enjoy my work. I enjoy going to work. I enjoy working. Im learning things on top of the context i get from books in school. I used to learn to read. Now i learn to do. It made me satisfied. Alot people said auditing and accounting is boring. I beg to differ. It could be pretty interesting if you know how to make it interesting. It very much depends on your perspective. Im feeling kind of sleepy, or you should say sleep deprived. So this entry is going to sound very wrong as you read through. Well i cant just sleep right yet though because of the two big bowls of soup iv gulped down. Too full.

I dont know what i should register in this entry for tonight. Randomly: Time, MY TIME has just passed like this. Why i say my time because i felt time wasnt in my hands these days. Okay apparently i know time wont be in our hands literally, its on the watch probably. I was both happy and sad that time slipped away this fast. Because when i wasnt attentive to it, it'll steal some of my important intangibles with it. Such as memory, knowledge and maybe my friends.

As i grew older, i feel that my social circle is shrinking increasingly annually. To begin with, i dont keep alot of friends from the beginning because i dont like to hold them on. I cant handle too many emotions at the same time when i cant even do so to my own. Hence around my late teenage years, i have stopped acquainting new friends. While at the same time i try to keep myself close to the few close good ones. Sigh, talk about this . I dont miss her at all even though we didnt see each otherr for more than a year. And worst, we are not keeping in touch. Ive changed my number and i didnt notify her. Basically i feel i dont have to tell her about it since shes not going to call or message me in months. Im really quite angry with her who could also not contact me for such a long period. I know i'll come to regret it but i have no choice. When one wants to leave, i wont say too much. Its not dignity or the ego. but when u want to leave, if i try too hard keeping you, ultimately we will still part due to differences.

Some of my close friends are not on talking terms with me. I find it a pity. I have been a great friend whom you need to take time to know. I always ask myself and the heaven the reason these friends took their flight from me. BUt when i sort out the reason in within, i felt at peace. They are just too folly to realise they have just miss a gem. :)

2010-08-15T18:19:00.003+08:00

The Youth Olympic Games Opening Ceremony was awesome. Its the deemed performance Singapore should have put up for the Singaporeans to see, long ago. An intertwined of technology, sound lighting effects and plenty of fireworks. I was high-spirited before the television, constantly gasping at the programs the ceremony brought to me. Thanks to the host Olympic Council, and probably the fast-moving economy in Singapore the last twelve months, that the organizer is able to set a higher budget which presents such a fanciful ceremony for all to see. For, the world to see. If not think, they wanna spend tons of money to let you see such beautiful effects?

Its all about fame and name.

2010-07-07T23:57:00.001+08:00

Earlier on was a random post i should have written long ago.
this one is the more relevant one.

im down.

2010-07-07T23:24:00.002+08:00

i love my sister alot.
im so gonna bring her out to buy her favourite style of clothes when this busy period is over. gonna buy her nice things, that she'll NEED. Cos she has very bad eyes; like, buy already then dont really use. Im a little different, my eyes fancy alot of things but i buy them, use them, and cherish them. Though shes one heck of a thrifty girl, she have yet to apprehend what it meant by cherishing things sometimes. I dote on my sis alot because shes my soul mate, my perfect assistant, my counsellor, my playmate, my companion, and my thrashbag. She took all my nonsense yet shes always the one standing by me no matter what. At times she rather sacrifice her benefits to exchange for my happiness. I took all these to heart. I told god i will reward my sis in anyways that she needed my aids all my lifetime despite that i will chide her should she misbehave. I understand how a teenager has terrible needs for material items at their age, especially under the influences of their peers. Not to mention shes in such a good school where the rich kids are a dime a dozen. Give me time, i will slowly prove myself to be a great elder sister. I used to be selfish, not wanting to share my everything with the new sister when my mum just gave birth. BUT now i cant thank god enough for bestowing me/on us this priceless gift. Shes a treasure.

2010-07-04T00:43:00.000+08:00

im down.

阿密特-分生

2010-06-06T22:07:00.002+08:00

2010-06-06T21:48:00.004+08:00

This week i met Siti on one of the weekdays. We met at town, as usual went dining and shopping. Treat her to a simple fare at one of the most recognized malay stall at Far East. She surprised me with a packet of CHEESE popcorn too. Good girl, cos she knew i love CHEESE. Very happy to hear about her recent doings and that her plan with someone will be going smooth. As her friend, i hoped to be there when this important event take place. Not that i wanna be there at house for it, i meant celebrating with her when it comes, hopefully together with Shuying! Things could turn out very good for my friends and me because we enjoy each other and living. In the society there are always some girls, who constantly look for a greener patch of friends, fight for attention or scheming to overshadow their friends. Im glad i was not their friend and that gods had sent me angels all the time. Thank you.

It has been two weeks at the client's place. I thought it will end before the two week. Never to think it actually continue till next week. I think this senior pretty likes working with me that he extended my project time with him. However no matter what, i still will put forth my best during working so that no one can gossip about my efficiency. Infact, half of me want to go back to the HQ cos i miss my colleagues and the enjoyable lunch time session, half of me wanted to audit outside. The latter, cos of freedom, exposure and freedom. You know i never like being tied down somewhere. I rather walk, run, fly!

This weekend has been great for me. Manage to spend alot of time with my family over enjoyable meals and leisure sessions, able to get down to my stuffs, settle my things. I also get to cook over the weekend. Aglio Aglio Spaghetti, w white button mushroom. Fish soup noodles.. The spaghettie taste good, just a tad too oily. I'll make sure i whip up different spaghettie every few weekends cos its my love! Well if you are close enough, you might even get to taste a plate someday! hehehe. OMG just realised i typed spaghetti with an E. I never ever do that, why?

This weekend i supposed to accompany my friend out but i cant afford the time. Sometimes things just get kind of get me very occupied~

2010-05-29T22:29:00.004+08:00

Bro went to England for almost a week already. Haha. Can tell he enjoyed himself alot in the UK from the photos he uploaded. Anyway, i cant really feel that hes away since most of the time he was seldom home, and only returned home only in the night. :)

Watched Prince of Persia with my friend yesterday. Cos hes paying with credit card, so we actually get 2.50 discount off each tix! Great i love discounts as it made the movie more afforable! It was a great movie as it far exceeded my expectation! It was intensed and breath-taking, i totally love it. It has been long i was this much captivated by a movie. So im really happy. Not to forget, we had a feast before the show and also a limteh session after that. Reluctant to leave for home, we took a 2 hours stroll and have a very nice chat in amidst. I dont know, i totally love the whole night cos it had been very enjoyable for me. :)

This afternoon i went out and had a hairdo at the salon together with Gerald. Cost me two hundred. Omg, heart so pain cos my initial budget is merely one hundred. Kill me kill me. Oh my penny. No choice, for the professionalism of an auditor, i have to sacrifice the ... pennies!

2010-05-22T13:02:00.008+08:00

One of my buddies stood me up.
I dont know if i can say he stood me up because he smsed he cant make it, in the afternoon. He claimed that he sent to my old number? Ok, he probably save two numbers in the phone and thus the mistake. I only come to know he cant make it at 6pm when i wanted to acknowledge the meeting time. This goes to say, practically, when i was about to knock off, then i knew my date was off and im left on my own. I almost blow up. Initially i almost had other plan till he kindof 'beg' me to meet him before his overseas trip. He was on low morales and wanted to tell me everything. Now he cmi~

It was friday evening, an important day to me a working adult. Out of a week, i love friday best. A perfect evening to unwind, enjoy food, company and the night scenery. Im not gonna dress up and come out on weekends. For weekdays, i'll be busy or it'll just be a random dinner somewhere. Everytime i'll make sure my time was put up to good usage. It had been a busy period and im sure my schedules will be even tighter. I had SOME close friends that i need to keep companion and spend time with. When i allocate time to you, i expect you to cherish it as much as me. If you missed it for no apparent reasons, you can forget about joining the queue again.

Needless to say, im terribly disappointed yesterday. Luckily another close friend of mine saved me in my distress. I gave him a call when i left the firm and ta-da, he was there for me. Im so thankful for kind soul like him. For people (kindsof matter to me) who fly my aeroplane, i'll be seriously disappointed. Why would you choose the other matter over me? Im a reasonable person. Too sensible and reasonable, so hardly i wrong anyone. Theres so much to tell. Im so angry; that he will slip off the good friend list. He can forget about the umpteen good treats and gifts, my encouragements and the rest of the intangible or tangible values which im gonna so provide him. If you are ever sad about your games, dont call me or complain to me in the night again. Dont tell me your dreams and that no one understands. I wont be there to spend hours listening. My terrapins died yesterday and when i had my lows, did i ever tell you, or anyone? Even though im terribly upset, i make sure i cater to my friends' needs first. I'll smile, listen and offer. I dont have to take the second seats when it comes to friendship, i could be the dorminating party or the influential one if i'd like to. Im trying my best to be the bestest girl friend to everyone, i just hope they'll cherish it.

Im a good friend to everyone but not someone at your whimsical dispense. Want to be on my favourite list? Try to find out my dislikes and the red areas then! Im easygoing and super nice but i had my boiling point. Yes, one folly mistake is enough to trip. You can try appeasing me but i had already drawn away my deposits then.

2010-05-20T23:37:00.003+08:00

哭的好伤心。
cry my lungs out, because my terrapin babies left me!
the moment i reached the doorstep, not bothering to kick off my heels yet i rushed to their artificial mini-homepond. Like my parents described to me, they kept themselves in the shells and were not moving. I knew this will be coming.

Last week, mother's day, after the sumptuous tim sum meal, i accompany my mum around to shop. Later she wanted me to go home with her but i insisted on buying one more small terrapin to keep the two biggies at home company, and also i wanna buy a pet fish. How would i know my sudden urge last week would have brough upon such a tragedy to my most beloved terrapins! For fun or what, i actually kept the fish together with the terrapins on Friday, thinking turtles can co-exist with fish in the school pond, in the river, in the ocean! Who knows, they are not accustomed the new visitor to their home. And then they were acting weird on Sunday morning. Not eating, not swimming actively. NA! Same as the previous terrapin. I knew things were wrong so i immediately seperate the fish from the terrapins. Keep them under the sun for an hour on monday onwards. Who knows. They could not survive through and left me this afternoon! But then the young terrapin that i bought back to join them actually survive the ordeal! I dont know why!

I was so upset, cried for an hour. Then got myself up and went burying them in the soil in the neighbourhood. They often make me laugh and can entertain me for a whole day, or the whole weekend! I'll love you all my life. Your face, your reactions, the way you moved, the way you eat, the way i bathed you guys. They'll be enshrined in me i promise. I cant forget you. Please come tto my dream if you are able to. At least we can talk. I love you my terrapins! I love you so much.

just now on my way home my sister called me again to confirm their death because my parents not sure if its hibernating or what. I told them to leave it alone first, wait till i get home. Who knows since its my sister who confirmed it over the phone, i trust its credibility. I almost wanna burst out crying on the train. My tears were rolling in my eyes but i had to control myself. Like i always did, reading the papers in the train. But, my mind was not on the words. but Images of the times i had with my terrapins actually surfaced in my mind. Now as i typed this, i could feel that tinge of sadness biting onto me. I lvoe them so much.

why. why left me!

2010-05-20T00:45:00.002+08:00

left 5-6 hours for my sleep to build my energy for tomorrow. I was just back home a while ago. Was with Cecilia at town. dinner was at marche which i love them for their, ROSTI, CREPES and SAUSAGES. We went on to chat outside ION before decided to head home. On our way two angmohs came up to us for directions to hyatt hotel. Being nice, i try to tell in a few english words the direction to head to. The angmohs were warm and very thankful. He immediately grab my hand. I shake it almost instantly too, its courtesy. Then he totally plant his mouth on my hand, and gave it a very very wet deep kiss. FCUK YOU. A peck will do. FCUK YOU! Not that i was not acting gentlemen enough when i saw there are a few passerby, but i totally feel very eww as its too wet. I then wiped it away on cecilia's arms. haha! ok and my own shirt. I didnt want to be this small a miser, but its too wet.

2010-05-19T00:10:00.004+08:00

i know you.
i heard yours.
why let me know that.
you are crying.
you know i'll know.

2010-05-18T23:28:00.004+08:00

It has been slightly a month over, and today i went to audit my client alone! Cool! A lappy in the right hand and alot of files in the other, on my 3 inch high black velvet heels. I walked down the robinsons in black, flagged down a cab and off to my client's place. Everything is cool till, i alighted the taxi. I forgot the receipt. This means no claim for this outgoing trip! Second, i directed the driver to the wrong block. No wonder the weird expression when i told him i wanted to alight there. Luckily the right block is just within 30metres away! Well things are fine for me and i hope it will persist. Just no more little woman, i mean short woman, they are always up to mischief. SO ARSEHOLEs. It doesnt mean you couldnt reach a certain height, your intelligence has to sacrifice!

sometimes its pretty bored to go home alone after work. Today i had A to chat with me along the way. i didnt know he'd cherished our friendship so much. Im glad he told me all those words. Am surprised and very touched. Anyway hes really blessed. A rich dad. doctor brother. Affluent contacts. Drove a cool BMW, and is a guy with lotsa inspirations. Someone with such a background to actually be this sweet? omg, I hope his papers went well!

2010-05-12T23:38:00.002+08:00

menses are approaching. My emotions are having its roller coasters ride for the month free. How nice. Vexed vexed vexed.

2010-05-12T23:03:00.002+08:00

very tired. because of the 5.5hour only sleep the night before.
Yes i need at least a 7hour full sleep to feel vibrant, at full force for work now!

Yesterday ive finally went to THE HELIX!
The bridge ive been anticipating for two years back. From far, the view disappointed me. I remember the artist impression revealed a blue lit-ed bridge and i was looking for something near that. Luckily upon reaching the venue, the bridge proved to be magnificient enough, at first glance! I was quite impressed with the solar panels on the top and the combination of glass and metal for materials. Appeared pretty high-ended.

Thanks to Edmund because we went there together. Arranged to meet after our work ended. Hes currently having internships at one of the big four audit firm, whose office is in town too. About.. 10mins walk away from me. Very nice of him cos he came to meet me downstairs my building! Initially wanted to lurk around the area, for a good cafe or pub. You know Raffles is one of the best places for them. When we saw that the sky is overcast, we decided to head for Marina Square. In the end we settled on Esplanade Harrys Bar because of the valued FISH CHIPS!

Well the papers said the Helix signifies the bridge of friendship (for the youth olympians, wanting them to compete with not only sportsmanships. And also making friends at the same time) So i hit my fist with edmund at the bridge yesterday. Hope our friendship can sail forever. Theres also the pocket stretching outwards from the bridge. On the ground, there are certain alphabets and i manage to find a "A" and a "+". I told edmund, stepping on them ensure an A+ for the subjects he took. Yes, following we stepped of them profusely! One of the pockets had a "C+", so make sure you went to the correct pocket! However the construction isnt all done at the site, so halfway we were actually blocked from heading further. I look forward to the project closing by the end of this year. Seriously i dont think by JUNE it'll be ready. They still looked too raw!

2010-05-10T01:16:00.002+08:00

Its May of the year.
Reminding me the hardest period i ever ever had, last year. That May seems forever and my neck waited so long for dawn to break. I was vulnerable and poisoned. Was sentenced to do my time. Seasides and the night spins were the escapades. Cos, they gave me sorta adrenaline rush. Not having to feel the worse emotions. They have the ability to numb me. It was a horrifying experience never ever beknownst, to me. If i ever lost control of the steering wheel, or myself at the terribly high speed that very second~ i dont even wish to think.

Today im of gratitude. Im thankful. That faith i have in my family, god and time. That.. my family is always standing by me. Providing me solid rapports. That.. god always listen and is pushing me on.. onto the correct path i should rightfully take. That.. time is always the best remedy.

For many times last may, i am very lonely. Not the simple kind about having anything, friends or no. Its the soul. No matter whats in front of me, i cant see them. Very dark. Very. Everything is in motion other than me. Im stationary. Physically im somewhere. Infact im sailing on the black seas of sorrows. My emotions are in turbulences. At times when im reminded of that, im still pretty shook. Then i'll giggle to myself ... Once bitten, twice shy? I hope experience can avert any future tripovers, if they could. Thank you, i am breathing.

2010-05-10T00:48:00.003+08:00

Happy Mothers Day to my mummy
and all the beautiful mothers around the world.

I may not understand how much this day mean to them. Hopefully one day i will so i can go through how my mother felt on this day. It will be amazing and ... weird! This year's meal is a little different as we went for a timsum feast instead of a common dinner celebration. Less stressful. Saving the need to rush home after food. Towards the end of the meal, we raised our glasses wishing mummy a happy mother's day and papa his advance birthday. It has been an extremely satisfying meal because back home, we hardly eat anything for dinner. Supposed to whip up spaghetti in alfredo sauce with my mummy. We even shopped for more ingredients after lunch. I anticipated all those clatterings of the pots and plates in the kitchen! Alls too bad~ The jelly she made yesterday night is left untouched in the fridge too~ I dont know why i miss cookings with her but this says im seldom home on weekdays afternoons. Cos, my mum usually dont touch the stove on weekends.

It has been a great sunday anyway.

2010-05-08T13:41:00.011+08:00

At the dinner yesterday,

my colleagues were asking my nationality.
They said i speak with a different english accent from Singaporeans and i look like a foreigner myself. Later one of my managers popped the question again and said he thought im an expatriate. Aint i honour. Expatriate, usually used to describe foreign talents. Thank you. I always do, do prize that impression is critical to reflect our well being. Our attitude, voice and the clothes we dressed ourselves in. Whenever doubts like this were raised, i treated them as a compliment. If sizes are ever in concern, all i could say is im terribly sorry. I dont mean to be a big ten.

Prior to my previous company, i get the same questions from my company's business associates about my nationality. Is there a specific so and so image crowned on the Singaporeans already? By being a little special, it makes someone not an Singaporean. I should be glad because i stand out from the typically common Singaporeans? Yes, i should be happy. Cos I had the big fresh oysters again!

i need to bemoan this one last thing to the superficial chicks. If your inferior complexities are stirring within you, i wont be sorry. You can try harder. Everyone is working hard for the best of themselves. Im still yet the good lemons. If you feel im overpowering, it only tells you are so weak! Its could have been a competition between yous and me but all i care is to win myself. It has never been you.

cos you have yet to reach my (eye) level.

2010-05-07T00:27:00.003+08:00

Later in the evening, friday evening..

wow i love friday evening

I hope the dinner later will be good and i can talk to the guy who has the same chinese name as me. I find him interesting! because hes so humorous and can make me laugh!
but then hes not talking alot last few days, prolly cos his work is piling up.
Yes its either i talk alot to him or i will dive for the seafood, oyster oyster!!

kick some bitches head into the goals.
score!!!

im proud to declare ive purged all the poison out of my body.
im fine!
im freed!
no more you. no more devil.
dont be mistaken, im not referring to drugs.
i can enjoy myself to the brim!
i can smile!
i can be happy!
im as free as a lark!
fly fly fly!
xiao fei xiang is flying!

thank you my god. my family. my dear friends and you.
kisses and hugs.
ok now we need to pop some drinks and gobbled down all the fried chicken wings.
celebrate celebrate!

2010-05-07T00:25:00.002+08:00

"if you dont like it fuck you"
sings the lines in C.Aguilera's new song 2010.

if you dont like it fuck you
if you dont like it fuck you
if you dont like it fuck you

bitch.

im not myself tonight.
im not myself, not myself tonight.
Lamented me.

2010-05-05T23:07:00.002+08:00

I have a nostalgia for the olden days. That time i was being me. I was successful and very happy. I voiced my mind and let myself be known. No hyped no gloss just me. I wont say i changed too much but i realised i cater better to the feelings of those around me now. Know what to say and not say, diplomatically. Sounds very sweet but i know my face will sell me out. Because im no good an actress no matter how long time grinds me. What time could offer was probably few more railway tracks on the forehead and the cheek line. Just being very truthful and sincere. Do you think that will bring me very far? I shall let time unveils the answer. And that says i have no answer for myself.

There were occasions i followed feelings and found myself regrets. Im not sure if feelings fooled me but i know the one who said follow your feelings was a dumbass. So being sensible and theroetically politicall-right is better than emotion-oriented? At least i was on the right track to what i wanted. Without falling too hard. Like i said, feelings could have fooled us because it faded off quick. Nevermind, such confusions in picking what to say commonly occur with acquaintances. Its never a problem for me with my close friends or relatives, so it doesnt matter.

Talking about fooling. I hope to bring out the best but i think my appearance is hindering the professionalism required in me in my line. As a (junior) auditor, i seek the need to present myself sleeker. Now i have to lose 10kgs in order to fit in the nice dresses i fancy at the boutiques. And to avoid the unwanted opinions about me. I wanted an image suitable for only me. Losing weight has been on the top of my resolution list every year. I applaud its stamina for it doesnt get pushed out the top after so long!

Pray hard it finally does within these 1000 days.

2010-05-05T19:22:00.003+08:00

im on sick leave.
Wanted to go back to work but my senior advised me to take a good rest at home.
I heeded her advice because i dont want to spread my virus to the other auditors.

Been to the doctor and passed by the Pattissier below my block. Bought my favourite blueberry cheese cake. Pricing at ONLY S$2.20. I love both the bake and the price! cos it would have cost me $5.50 elsewhere for a similar slice. The lady boss was at the cashier and i complimented her cakes and made a slight comparison to the Four Leads Bread. Then both her husband and son who were behind the counter probed further for comparison with other brands and i speak the truth. I can tell they are delighted when i left the shop. Afterall the bakers love to hear customers' feedbacks, which the Singaporeans were usually too stingy to offer!

It was a scotching hot day. Irregards to that, i took a very satisfying nap in the bed after popping the pills. Rather restless and feeble. Hopefully today can help sleep my not-so-bad eyebags away and i can return to the office with a better focus tomorrow.

PS: i changed the settings and lose the important linkages.
So my friend, if you are reading this leave a comment and update me your blog@ because i would love to read about you.

2010-04-01T20:27:00.001+08:00

2010-03-18T01:18:00.004+08:00

Last thurs, 12 march 2010

my first terrapin died.

i tried saving it, after my return.
I thought it will survive. For two hours, it struggled and then leave me..

I was back from outside. My terrapin began looking terrible again.
I checked with my parents. They said it look normal throughout the day but I knew it wasnt. I wanted to rush it to the vet. My wallet is empty from the shopping spree. So i brought it along with me to the atm, in a small round plastic container, then bring it to the pet fish shop to get another more solid container, to bring to the vet. Who knows, the pet shop owner lady told me my terrapin is okay. Rubbish! I was then hoaxed into buying a bottle of vitamins, eye solution and terrapin food from her. I was helpless and was looking for some good advices. Since hers was proposed at the right time, i chose to adopt it. I brought my sick terrapin home, seperating it from the good one in the container. I thought i could save it. Following the right procedures the lady taught me. But it was still very feeble. Around 9pm and i still haven had my dinner cos im really worried about my terrapin. I sat by it and watch the tv. Till 940pm i checked again. It was still looking very forlorn. Its upset eyes stared into the blank. Its expression is still registered in my mind. I couldnt forget. Seriously. I shook it a little to make sure it wakes up. It moved to a corner and stay in the water wide eyes open. I thought its able to sense that i was trying to retrieve its little life with the vitamin water that it immersed itself totally in the water to absorb the nutrients. Its eyes were still wide open.

At 10 pm, i feel things were wrong when its not having any reaction for so long. I shook the container and found that its dead!. Know what? Terrapin died with their eyes open! Im terribly shooked that a cold chill ran up my spine causing my neck to tingle. I shouted to my parents,"its dead!!" And then i shouted to its friend "Hey! your friend is dead!" Seconds later i burst out in tears. It left me right before my eyes and i was unaware! This upheaval gushed in me. Should have brought it to the vet didnt i? I blamed myself. It waited at least two hours before i could rush it to an experienced vet, WHOM i dont know where i can look for one! I cried my lungs out. Like love ones leaving me despite its only a month old. I had already developed bonds with this adorable terrapin. I looked at them everyday i knocked off work. Every morning before i left home. I took great care of them. I love them both so much, so much. Now i understand the reason it went to peep the tank it used to reside in. It was bidding its childhood terrapin friend goodbye, isnt it?! Till now i still feel very upset. My nose went slightly sour.

That night, i wept for one hour. I miss my terrapin. I love the way it slept on the rock. How it shunned from me everytime i try to scare them. How it used to sleep with the other terrapin. Leaning on each other, using its shell. And, looking so fat! It ate so much all the time, with the other terrapin. Both of them were always hungry. Begging me for more food, more food! Now its dead. Its head just moved with the water current as i shook the box. How i wish its just playing dead. No, its gone already! i showed the healthy terrapin its friend and tell him shes dead~

Fortunately a close friend of mine came over to my house and accompanied me to bury it in a neighbourhood spot. I chose the small hill opposite my house. The bottom of the hill.

People used to refer to a hill/mountain as a turtle, tortoise or terrapin. I hoped its just like the hill people referred to; offering everyone there a support. Depressing. I haven brought you out to sun bask at east coast, i haven carried you in my car. You .. haven gone through with me the good times, the hard times. I haven given you a good life. You haven had the time to listen to my story. And now you left me, and your lonely friend in the tank. He looked so sad after you are gone. It was no longer swimming actively in the day. When i try to communicate with him and made him realise you are long gone and will never return. He seemed to know what is going on as he remained silent in the water. He pins for your return, too, just like me. In the night, he used to creep next to you, gaining warmth. A real-timid, hiding under you in the dark as he slept. You are such a brave nice girl. He always like to disturb and fight with you but you two were still best friend. Only having each other for companion all the time. Currently hes no longer as excited when food came. He slept alone in the night. It kept itself under water. From his sleeping posture, i know hes scared. He might speculate i have you slaughtered! But you knew i didnt! I hope time could prove my innocence and he will understand. At times i caught him sleeping alone, moving in the water with his eyes close. Did you return to play with him, naughty! Sometimes i peeped at him in the day, he felt lonely and upset. I got him a new guy friend one week after you were gone. I hope he likes his new friend just like how he adores you. Dont be angry. I knew you were his utmost love when he isnt as happy with the new friend. You dont want him alone neither isnt it. so.. hais.

God how i miss you. Miss how you laze on the rock lazily, and taking so many day naps. I miss the times you and the other terrapin having each other for support as you guys got so afraid whenever i brought you to a new environment, and then you guys will be all over each other, looking at the world together, together with me. Now you are buried in the soil of the hill i used to play around at. With a bed of your favourite food under you, i hope you are no longer hungry as you were. I really wanted to take good care of you both till i get rich get old. But, all i can say is.

I am sorry.
I miss you terribly.
No other terrapin will be the same like you.
I know. I have lost you and i will never get one same terrapin again.

I pray that you are doing well there the other space, and that you will live longer the next lifetime!

From your dearest owner, my terrapin.

2010-02-26T00:35:00.002+08:00

I am upset about you, a little.

But when putting you aside, my life is alot better!
Theres so much to gloat about!

Michelle Wie is in town! for the HSBC WOMEN OPENS CHAMPIONSHIP~
and the great thing is i have a pair of tickets to the event which spread over four days!
Tomorrow my company is having lohei~ this means we are having another buffet lunch!
In the evening Gerald is treating me to a sumptuous Japanese meal! wow.
Sat evening i'll be having a crowded gathering at my auntie's place!
Nice!
Sunday im gonna have a good time too..

Everything will be good.
I miss you, no nightmares, sleep tight.

2010-02-16T17:36:00.001+08:00

Happy Lunar New Year.
Welcome Tiger. Can you help me chase away the bad lucks.
And the small people. those shorties baddies.
Thank you.
Let prosperity and good luck come my way please. Thank you.

2009-11-23T00:02:00.003+08:00

been some time my dear blog.

After work has started, im trying my best to act like a adult. A lady. Im trying to be as feminine as possible as that bring me to a greater heights, i feel. feeling like a lady, working like a lady. These are attributes that bring you to the higher ladder. To the management level. Definitely at this stage, im still only an employee, smaller or equivalent to an executive. Hearing orders from my accountant. From my seniors.

Life somehow has been a little mundane.
Months before, i was having my own car. my own life. and was mugging stupidly hard in university for the exams, where sometimes i cant produce efficiency in my revision. I was used to being all alone. And friends got used to my rejections. To gatherings. shoppings. and meals. And now. im still very much on my own most of the time. It has been work, home, close ones, buds and my leisures. Never too much of any other friends. Recently i thought of wanting to stay home longer to practise on LOVE STORY. A pretty hard song. using up to 8 fingers for 60notes in the middle. Quite tiring for the fingers.

whenever december approached.
the cold weathers
just made me feel like snuggling up with you.
but i dont want to betray this friendship.
Lets keep it pure.

2009-11-09T01:07:00.003+08:00

Sunday. It was another family day for us. My dad's working schedule is never as fixed like his salary isnt fixed like a salary guy. Hence, it was only when me and my brother get to enter the working society, we learnt to treasure weekends together. From us, i bet they learnt the same thing too. We had our time at the mayim restaurant which we often visited for a weekend meal. All of us wer in high spirits. Could it be the ginseng black chicken brooth we had yesterday. Everyone is looking good, feeling cool!

I miss him. that old him.
and also the new him.
just a desire.
will you let me in your heart.
the sweetest sadness in your eyes
melted me.
your biggest grin
brighten my soul.

i miss you. goodnight.

2009-10-31T23:32:00.001+08:00

31 oct . got the second official pay and i pampered my sister straight away.

some good buys.

or and ytd we went for a sph gala concert, on invitational basis. got the tics because my boss was invited, and hes not going. well we were sitted in a pool of the wealthy affluential business mens. and it was overpowering despite them not speaking. the diamonds. the pradas, suits and heavy perfumes. we were in the premium VIP seats.........
later went harry bar for a late dinner. im surprised they enter my sister, which i requested. and she is in her school uniform!

good shop day with gerald and paul.

2009-10-25T23:42:00.003+08:00

It has been food food food.
Sizzler. Mayim. here and there. First it was brother. then mum. then me. then dad. All of took turns to foot the bill each weekend. And i totally love my family days on the weekend. Please god, watch over us. I thank you.

EYE-CANDY tmr.
:D :D
omg. im so man-crazy.
First it was him. then it was him then it was thee-him. OMG.
I miss the old him too. well.
im so fine being alone and enjoying my crush-moments.

2009-10-15T00:49:00.001+08:00

eye-candy was not only candy but a pie. A pie shared by everyone.
You see how everyone was grabbing a piece of him. down the showlight. hes in the limelight.
everyone likes him so much.

why not me.

2009-10-13T23:37:00.003+08:00

i hope my friends can understand my predicament.
4/5 of my time are spent in the office. 1/5 is for my personal time as in washing up, resting eating and pooing. and probably 1/10 for some leisures. i love all of my closies. but if they can be more understanding, and have more trust in me, i'll be happier.

eye-candy seemed to have a very serious misunderstanding over my integrity.

2009-10-08T23:18:00.002+08:00

this morning i woke up. late.
and found a message.
he asked me out for dinner.
it has been freaking two years and he still remembers me.
ohmy.

2009-10-03T00:19:00.002+08:00

its company event today. The mooncake festival. The buffet is fabulous! And even got the laksa stall, oyster egg stall! and also hokkien mee stall! but im still hungry.
Its all because of you. Just by seeing him alone, i felt so full. that i didnt manage to eat much earlier. i was intending a four five plate action plan, then i stick to having one plate only. I didnt even finish my prawns! OMG. Then just now he stayed till very late too. All the while, we dont dare to look at each other! ok. hes my new crussh now. chop, sealed and confirmed!
OH MYYYYYY GODDDDDDD.

2009-10-02T00:16:00.002+08:00

its another friday! but today my pocket weighs heavier. its my official first pay day after graduating from university! i gotta spend this first pay properly. It means alot to me. Haha i always place value on most, all of my things. Or things related to me.

And today i brought home, two sweet packaged mooncake. Bought with my own HARD EARN MONEY. Its a treat for the family and symbolising, im really a grown up already.Yes i need constant reminder like this, like. Telling myself im 22yrs old already. Well ive been enjoying to act like an adult, to speak like an adult, to be treated like an adult! It feels abit weird, having people being so polite, and courteous when i was the one doing so last few years. While at the same time, people felt awkward when im too nice. Is it wrong for an adult to act all nicey? hmmm

well eye-candy isnt around today! i bet hes in school. MY UNI. to be exact. OMG. But tmr he will be coming in. And our companys gonna have a mooncake feast event at the ground level tmr, INCLUSIVE of buffet dinner and even, STALLS. which you can order from! thats so nice!

Nice is im gonna see eye-candy around. wahahahahhahahahahha.
oh and i miss my sweetie nicey friends. YOu.

2009-09-29T22:45:00.002+08:00

eye-candy wasnt in the office today. didnt come in at all. since his school started, he might be coming less frequent to the office. Worst, he might not come in afterall. If its a 2-3yr degree. omg.

its not like or anything. But it made one feel good when hes around. You know ~ ~ ~

2009-09-24T23:36:00.002+08:00

I hope its my problem only.
Initially i wasnt really caring about anything else other than working my heads off at my desk. Then things between us began to awkward. We werent really speaking then.
Erms. We did, in the beginning. Except i wasnt responding to him. He look very quiet and very very gentlemen yet he speaks like a bee to flower to most of the girls. And has a voice of very nice speaking tone. So i thought i dont want to talk too much. But then. hes attractive. Amazingly eye-catching, despite his honest look. And im so sure almost every OL, OA in the company like engaging his help so much. At first, i thought hes a random someone around till i begin to take notice of him as i learn about his age. I mistook him as a 30yr old plus, someone with girlfriend or office bblossom till i learn that hes only a few yrs older than me and hes going to the same university i went to previously. That pull our profiles closer. But then, things begin to become weird. Hes rather heavy and looks kind of buff. Recently he looked slimmer. Was it my attention on him made him lose his appetite? I dont know. I hope i was imagining things. And it isnt what i thought.

. . . . . . .

because my heart beats so fast whenever he passed by my desk. And the times hes been walking around the office has become increasingly frequent! why?!

2009-09-15T00:03:00.003+08:00

I thought shes a amiable middle age lady.
to know, shes one cunning fox!
i thought hes a man of mature age
to know hes only 3 years my senior.
And he has gotten such a deep and steady voice!

With a spectacles. I have a fetish for man like that.
OHMY!

i just cooked myself the ginger egg soup.
Its nice! though abit bland.
After 13hours in the office, all i wanna is a pot of hot soup!

and im thankful for my dearest qiu jiejie for being there for me.
i hope things will turn for a better as time pass!
miss you my friends!

2009-09-06T00:34:00.002+08:00

It has been two weeks at work. at my dreams.
Despite the long hours at times, since im fresh and have been learning everything at work, im actually enjoying the working hours. That is you are doing something youve been wanting to do, you dont get that sick of it early. Im not sure how long i could put up with work work work, and especially the tedious process in earlyhood of accounting. All i know is i'll dash and charge, towards my dreams. Thats me, evon. With time, i know i'll reap my fruits. Im gonna mould and build with both of my hands, for myself, my family and, my love one.

2009-08-24T23:32:00.000+08:00

its my first day at work, after completing my course of degree studies. Not yet a permanment staff, so i consider it a part time. Results releasing soon,i hope i got fabulous results.

i felt so dead now after a day at work. Its a confinement. LIke im serving my sentence. And without you, its worst. WHY WHY is it so. Let me go. if not come to me will you. Im asking for a platonic pure innoncent friendship ONLY. just that ont u grant me my wish.

I only want you by my side.
I MISS YOU. Only you, only you.

2009-08-18T14:25:00.000+08:00

I can accept this but a part of me still find it amazing.
when younger girls around me are getting married, im only 22. Worst for my own, i feel like a big kid still. Im not anything skeptical about females getting married early. Personally i have a cousin who engaged at 19 years old and getting married at 21. So in my view, since then, i thought its pretty fine to marry early; since for them, planning existed in the two years. It wasnt too much of the shot-gun cases. Adding on, i could accept shot gun cases for adults, but not teenagers.

For now, there are some, who seemed to walked down the aisle with their partner, JUST out of the blue. And dang you heard shes married. Im not at all a conservationist, but i merely couldnt remain too rational. Do you think that is true love theyve indeed found in the early few teenage years? Even it is, is this someone going to accommodate your all and spend their lifetime with you. When talking about someone you love alot or someone whom you are able to spend your life with, a grey line of differenece do co-exist. I read a few neurology book. Love could be elaborated and further explained in depth with science. So sometimes the strong feelings which surged in during a relationship, yes they could be the chemistry. hormones reaction. But when you boil things down to essence, about getting married and spending the entire life together. Can you do that? Things are becoming different as adolescent reached. What if one day, at the adult stage, they found out things dont work the way they fantasized when they were younger?

Its a happy occasion, actually. I wish the best for all the young couples. :) And now i cant wait for, if possibly, babies to arrive. The precious little one.

2009-08-13T23:37:00.001+08:00

I will be all that you want
and get myself together
because you kept me from falling apart.

2009-07-10T03:34:00.001+08:00

i cant tell you how much guys deserve all those shits.
they are irritating. annoying.
to hell with them.

2009-07-05T01:09:00.002+08:00

sokfong, peiwen and me had a dinner yesterday at vivocity. It was a dinner of laughters and tears as we managed some stupid jokes and shares some stories. The night was so enjoyable that time pass incredibly passed, partly because it was a long since we meet up eversince sokfong's return from china. Talk about her china trip, ytd she haven shared finished hers! gotta get her out and tell the china tales! ahahaa. well, im so happy that my room's aircon is finally back to work after so many so many months! Uncle FINALLY get his workers came and fix it; took so long can. hahaha. theres another 3 on 3 coming, but this time round intense rivalry, not sure if we'll even be in time for registration which only allows ten teams, gotta act fast. Told daryl about the event and he might be joining too! Hes been asking me for bball and a meal, but our schedules dont meet.... well happy for him man, because he was selected for the national squad training! He was formidable, now hes a star! :D

2009-06-30T23:01:00.002+08:00

Picnic with siti at Fort Canning Park, shuying join us in the evening for a light dinner and treated us swensens ice cream! Received so much gifts from siti. omo, really some sweetest gifts.
sushi with mayonnaise made me go mMmMmm.

pictures later.

2009-06-29T23:52:00.003+08:00

the cashier mistook me for under 18 and refused to sell me the sparkling fruit juice, initially !

Theres two issues.
First she thought i have not reached the legal age. omo .
Second, shes trying to check if the fruit juice is alcoholic, which apparently, its not.

hahahahahahhaha. ok i still can dress up young sometimes.
the attribution.
1.the sports shirt & JJC shorts
2. My sister whos still in her uniform. (did i look like her friend? sometimes people mistook me for her MOTHER, AUNTIE, SISTER or COLLLEAGUE ~ ~ )

ok picnic tomorrow with the beautiful girlies Siti & Shuying. At Botanical Gardens hopefully, if not Fort-Canning Park !

2009-06-28T21:52:00.013+08:00

flyers with annie.
student price. i love student price.

2009-06-28T21:52:00.012+08:00

ROGES piano concertwith shuying.
and surprise visit to bernice's flea market stall.

updates...

2009-06-27T01:47:00.003+08:00

jjust back from Nikolai's piano concert, it was pretty bored this time round though.
Im beginning to doubt my health when i was yawning at the concert, which i'll never ever do , no matter how bored a piano concert is to me. i need more rest! It was a lotsa photo posing session with yiying just now, i had fun!

SERIOUSLY MY LIFE IS SO NOT IN SYNC WITH MY FRIENDS AROUND ME THESE DAYS !

but its okay, i dont mind.

2009-06-25T02:41:00.006+08:00

Happy happy Twentysecond!

what date is it? twentytwo
how many candles? twentytwo

thanks everyone for their well-wishes.

***************************************

we took the flyers today ! Annie and me !

2009-06-15T20:53:00.013+08:00

Not the first time. This honda stream was hogging the most right lane on the expressway at 80km. Soon cars in front are beginning to overtake it and me too. I dont even bother to signal my directional lights at all when im doing it. They dont deserve such a grace. At the least if you are on 90-km, its forgiveable, but less than 80... On ALL other lanes other than the most right one, even if you are on 60km/hr, no ones gonna blame you for that. Just not the most right lanes please.

After overtaking, i saw a car high beaming at that stream which still dont give way. -.- Thick skin enough. "They may have thought, im following law." On the road, theres actually a number of unspoken rules between drivers and they should have known better. Alot of times, such drivers, really get on your nerves; especially those in bigger cars from Hyundai, Kia, Toyota Wish, Honda Airwave/Stream as big as they can be, they cant run fast. (Honda airwave in white is actually one of the cars that i wanna get that time, but hearing the 1.5 engine is too weak for a SUV..)And the pick up may not be as good as small cars. For people who dont know cars, they might have mistaken a bigger car as WOW, but sorry, it all depends on the driving management when you are on the road. I dont like it when people cant see past quantity to quality. Ignorance, its okay since they dont drive. Though i admit some big cars have really good horse power. They are Lexus Rx4, Toyota Estima/Rav4. Darn, Lexus they can throw me right far behind after 3 seconds. For jazz, when fetching a few biggies in it;; i have to accept the fact that my jazz will too weak for a good pick up and i'll have to move in lanes then to prevent being a hazard to the fast lanes. Its all about flexibility and management boys.

Im not such a critic infact, as many knew im rather kind at heart. SERIOUSLY.
On the BKE to or fro school, i'll meet some big/slow cars in front and all i do is try to tailgate and soon some will realise their folly and give ways. Seldom it'll reach the tailgate part because i came approaching close, most people will give ways. Some who dont, all you should do is to high beam at them, and good possibility they WONT NOTICE your beam since THEY are too nervous. Then have to horn them already. Sometimes you cant help but to glare at them as you pass through them. Guess what. Its either old man talking on the phone handset or, 80% of the time, its WOMEN~~~ TOTALLY-ROLL-EYES. disgracing the ladies, totally. And you immediately understand why men bother to make that statement; females as a poorer drivers as compared to the males.

For two years on the roads. ive learnt alot.
one of my friends were lamenting im a RECKLESS driver last two weeks. That time im driving in a foreign areas and because its MY FRIEND, so i forget/dont bother to rebuke. Anyway I dont think im reckless. If you've sat in others' car before, im pretty much a VERY SAFE and courteous driver. If im aint ruthless and quick enough on the road, worst happens.

On the basketball court, we have to flare our nose and get fierce enough for the rebound or cutting through defense and made a lay up. That day when i had the 3 on 3 games, i thought my cars were scratched by the same culprits who did a trick on someone else's tyres. I remembered the next moment i was in the office watching a good one hr of the cctv and the next i was reprimanding the two teenage bball girls off in front of the crowds because they are covering up for their GUY friends who were the suspects. And nothing like that weak my knees when im fighting justice for myself, even if im alone in the battle. I go all out, all out. Im simply a tigress when it comes to this. You can try stepping on my tail and i guarantee you, there wont be peace. Something warm me a little that day and that is when my whole team rushed to my car when i raised that issue. Aint i too easy to please?! Anyway if its fake intents, i can tell la though i wont point it out bluntly at times.. Whats best, those whom i dont know even came forth and express their concerns. Thank you. Peers who dont stand by their friends should eat weeds.

Imagine, on the roadlanes, i'll meet WHO? Grown-up-Man, uncles and some drivers who are racing through the streets. If you aint ruthless enough, you'll be snapped. trust me. Road bullies. EVENTUALLY one day when you reach my stage, you'll agree with me im sure. Thats all i wanna say.

2009-06-12T15:50:00.003+08:00

Changed the song on my blog to "Oh Mother" the song that i was learning few days back. Christina Aguilera; such a fabulous songstress! Most of her songs lyrics were penned by her and they have so much depths~

2009-06-10T23:27:00.005+08:00

Just back from Joanna MacGregor's piano concert. Never been there such a cool pianist. Well i like the british. They always distinct themselves so well. That manners. Accent. How they carry themselves. Our people should be ashamed. SERIOUSLY. Most of us out there. If only the parents could start bringing up their children well. Especially the guys. We needed more gentlemen in the country. Not mommy boys. And ladies, no bitches. They smell so bad i could sniff them anywhere. Theres been more than enough out there, heck.

2009-06-09T15:22:00.007+08:00

Not to forget. The Sportxamania 3 on 3 match was fantastic; it made me feel young once more. That passion i have for the game, was still burning in me. If it werent for that back injury 5 years back ~ ~ ~ Though games were short and the weather was terrible, i enjoyed the long intervals which allowed me to get snugly in the company.

This is my team for the day.
EVO TEAM; Mao, Evon, Chun.

2009-06-08T22:10:00.003+08:00

im at mos burger@PS again. Last fri just came after the BLOOD movie. Enjoy their food and finger food alot, i'll give it 5stars out of so many fastfood restaurants. Mood isnt too good now anw. ;( fortunately i have two sweethearts with me right now.

moving to starbucks. It was cakes and frappicino. High calories snacks. omomo.

2009-06-07T01:14:00.003+08:00

in eight hours, i'll have one 3 on 3 basketball game coming.

And damn, i fell sick, feverish + flu + sore throats, H1N1 symptoms!, three days prior to the game. Arse. Its the first time in 10months i fell sick. Why at this hour?! I guess i caught a cold when i went gymming and the lack of rest and heaty supper probably played a part as well. And after dehong's enlistment and his friends all getting busy in their lifes, i seldom played any basketball. Was really rusty. I thought i could still train a little last few days.. argh now.. Anyway im very happy that all of us are coming together with the same purpose again. Good luck to our three teams, hope we will hog the first three placings. Fight fight fight!

2009-06-04T16:29:00.002+08:00

last few days, to mark my words to myself. i finally bought christina aguilera's piano score book after my exams. however, STRIPPED is out of stock. oh man, guess i have to turn to amazon.com instead, which shipping will cost me almost 15SGD$... argh.

well im practising on Christina Aguilera's song right now.

Oh Mother.
it has a beautiful piano arrangment. but i think im not sticking to the whole of the score because it was on the tune of the whole song. instead i will follow the piano background of the christina song itself, sound better that way.

2009-06-04T15:49:00.005+08:00

It was almost 1am. I kind of like what ive done today. Morning i brought my sis for a check up. Then i practised my song on the piano for one good hour and took a nap in the afternoon ..
Follow by sending my parents off; they were going msia with my sister. After that i went to the library and read alot of books on the couch like an old lady. When it was round evening, i rushed back home, packed my bags, my clothes, my towels & toiletries and my book. Like a runaway, i went to the gym and was rushing my workout through as it was one and half hour to the gym closing time. Later i went 8++ to tabao my fried beehoon and went to the dam. Late dinner by with a serene sea view, but to find out some people actually brought their trumpets there for a practice. I wouldnt say they spoil the serenity. I tried to imagine im listening to a symphony band in the middle of the night at the dam. No, their music dont sound so pleasant to the ears though. So i switched to blasting the music from my phone instead. You can be happy, while being on your own too. It depends on how much you can cheer yourself up. I totally love myself.

Im afraid that im too used to solitary that im reluctant to arrange myself for activities that has friends with you. Clement was asking me to join him for a jog at ard 10+pm instead i went gymming alone in the evening. I could have asked one of my friends out for a supper, but i merely talked to that friend on the phone and hang out after that.. i have a number of close friends whom i should meet, whom i promise to meet after my exams but i haven really get down to it. i guess im getting myself accustomed, ready, for the middle age. am i?

2009-06-01T15:49:00.007+08:00

it could never have been this fun.

yesterday met up with the homeU teammates at bukit batok sheltered court. and it was awesome. The clique was great, everyone is so funny and it felt like home. Unlike any other old friends who might drench you with their immature sarcasm displayed outright, they were so lovable. Amusing each of us with their traits and stunts. We played quite a number of halfcourts,reminisce the good old times and also took alot of photos. Followed by heading to Essential Brew @ HollandV for a satisfying dinner, but to find out the food is not alright. We had quite a time chilling over there i reckoned, at least me. :) Later some of us continued the night at ice rock?, After sending two of my team mates home, one west one east and me in the north, it was almost midnight when i reached the doorsteps. Well i love everyone. Till then. the next sunday.

2009-05-30T23:25:00.004+08:00

back from the birthday party and the best of it, was the chicken curry. I love curry. :)

luckily just now didnt get a summon. i thought it was sunday and i parked without putting coupons. And since i thought its sunday, i feel that the officers should not be on duty, and hence i left my car at the red colour reserved parking lot! OMO, im always so sotong. It was a saturday!

2009-05-30T22:27:00.003+08:00

wow, its past midnight.
Can you imagine i just returned from borders with my sister.

we went shopping at queensway, for my sportsshoes. As usual saw xiaohei at work and got a discount from him for the shoes. Later we headed to town because im dying to get christina aguilera's scorebook. Kinokuniya was closed then and im trying my luck at the borders, but to no avail. SO SAD. because i promised myself to get it on 29th or 30th may after my papers few months back. so i failed my own promise. Alright, will just get it next week ... then i was shopping for a friend's birthday gift too. Though not a very close friend, i still spend alot effort and time thinking what best to get. I hope that friend like what ive gotten.

In selecting anyone's birthday, i often put in alot of thoughts. I never ever will pick any gift, just because its cheap and available, like what most people do.

i give my very best, all the time. i hope people will appreciate it. alright gotta sleep now.

2009-05-28T23:55:00.004+08:00

AUDIT is probably, by far, my best paper!!! HEHEHE

and after the paper.
i saw the shuaige
i got the shuaige's number!!!!!!!!
that shuaige whom ive been mentioning.
and i know his name now!!!
OMG.

thanks siti myra!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
later went to seoul garden and had a mini post exam celebration with jeff and siti.
wow, its great. never been happier.

ahahahaha.

my legs were still wobbly from the thrills shuaige gave me!

well siti said im one of the pro female drivers shes ever met. LOL. Feel really honoured and happy. because even in driving, i tried to make myself one of the best on the road. i did put in effort too.

2009-05-27T23:30:00.002+08:00

After 3 EASY ~ FR was like the most horrible paper. I was stuck with the calculation. Luckily all the theory questions were topics im focusing on and it occupies majority of the questions i attempted.
Amittabha. Bless me please.
One last lap.

The clock is ticking so loud on my desk and that is truly disturbing. At such an hour, it reminded me that the night has fallen in and theres only probably me around. i wanna get out there, beginning tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-05-26T23:39:00.011+08:00

Management accounting. wow i'll say till now im still pretty lucky with the questions spotting and all. Its pretty easy but time is a litttle insufficient for the last question....

after the papers, saw regina with the notes in her hands sitting outside the hall. Her papers is after mine i think. So cute, and she has lost some weight i think. More bony.. Good luck crab.

Later it was even more surprising. Siti myra just popped up behind me! Yup, have the same paper with her although we were in different school currently. It was touching to know how updated and concerned she was with her friends' lives, and one of them is me~~~! Thanks for the hug before you alight babe, lets continue making our way to the line. Two more papers! :) Jeff seemed rather forlorn after MA, he probably cant get over FM papers. I think he worried too much, hes so going to score for FR i guarantee. Wanyu is ok with my idea of a post exam celebration. wow, am i gonna have it on thurs or fri? Im so tied up with things to do seriously. Theres only one evon, too many tasks. omg. Two more days to twilight~

2009-05-25T01:53:00.019+08:00

Both the lanes were crowded. I found a spot where man and cars are scarce. Blast track number one. And I broke down.

I need a shoulder to cry on for tonight but i dont want trouble anyone again. And that i needed someone im comfortable with and i dont know who should be the one. Friends always tell me they will be there. When the time comes, who? For the umpteen times, i was still alone by myself tonight. I like being on my own anyway. Own time own target. without weighing my wounded heart down with another worries. Seriously. i was imagining. If anyone will reach me on my mobile and then come over to look for me. No one. Before i forget this, cecilia done it once. :) As i was wailing, i was reminded of the times when i brought him there for a let out.. how he wept in front of me and the comfort i sought on his broad shoulders. I didnt know a rocky friendship could upset me this much.

I particularly liked the song on my blog. Crazy woman, one of the tracks from East of Eden OST, performed by Lee HaeRi, Lee JungMin and Seeya's Kim YeonJi. The lyrics depicts a lovelorn woman. It truly reveal the vulnerability of a woman in love. Although i have not reached that stage, i could feel the words. Each of it, carved in my heart. For a moment, i shared the lyrist's thoughts. Thinking i couldnt pull through but i know i will because .. the worst of life is yet to be this. I did post the lyrics here in korean last time but today i shall do the translation for your convenience. This song heals, me.

How much did i love you
i laughed and cried because of you
i live because of you
did that bore you
did you not like me anymore
why did you leave me who knew only you

how much did i like you
you cared for me and protected me more than anyone
are you really leaving me
did you really forget me
i didnt know you were this kind of person

*though i cry for love
though i suffer for love
its alright, its my fault for loving you too much

it was just a luxury
only pain is left
only tears is left wetting my eyes

how do i erase you
how do i forget you
the scars you left in my heart will be there forever
i dont think it will heal even with time
seems i cant make it without you *

why do we part
everyone is envious of us
consider once more
remember once more
how much you loved me

**

i merely love you like crazy
why do you make me suffer

love is over
we are over

you cant love anyone
you cant be happy
if you are happy without me how do i live

i dont want to continue being like this
from love to lingering feeling
i wanted to throw them all away

even that i cant forget you . .

- Crazy woman -

i look forward to the day when i'll stop weeping over you.
i knew our position didnt change. it was still the same infact.
but i dont know why. i dont know why you could upset me this much either.
probably. im just hankering after the drama drama plot. stimulating my life.
or could it be because whats happening now fell below my expectation?
shrugs. sometimes i dont even know what im thinking. all i know is my emotionals always overflow. overrating a problem. Too sensual didnt i? anyway im growing, growing up. Endearing every failure. I promised i wont be expecting too much in the future again. Because i couldnt bear the disappointments which follow after.
FOUR more days. 4 x 24= 96 hours. i'll be freed.

2009-05-24T13:05:00.007+08:00

Five more days to twilight.
Cant wait.

Italian tomato sauce out from the fridge. boiled the spaghetti. And i whipped up a palatable plate of spaghetti marinara for two. I enjoy the feel of diving the fork at the spaghetti and twirling them around before sending it into the mouth. it was great. Especially when two person are sharing from a plate in front of the favourite tv programme, late at night. Well, im quite a gourmet by the day, a chef by the night.

2009-05-23T15:14:00.003+08:00

BORED.
CONFINED.

2009-05-23T00:37:00.004+08:00

orchard.

i beginning to like more of the buildings and streets in singapore these days. Its becoming metropolitan, which it should have been years ago. This change is coming so late. Thanks to the coming opening of the IRs and casino. Please, we needed more of this. A developed city? sometimes i think we are still a step away. In the picture, they have this big plasma ? LCD screen which has beautiful graphics. reminds me of the biggest tokyo scene in the city. So come on, spend more money, government. If not, orchard is boring the hell out of me. Town too. everywhere, so old. Despite the ECO campaign, sorry. we needed more neons. more lights. more innovation in the designs and models. Learn from seoul and tokyo, hongkong and shanghai. We are lurking behind now.. Anyway i think im quite a professional taking pictures while at the wheels. Really so pro now. -.-'''

2009-05-21T23:34:00.002+08:00

FM.. EZ.
EASY.
ok, tricky too.

2009-05-20T17:55:00.004+08:00

FI was EASY. -.-

dont know whats all the stress and anxiety were for before the papers! except my answer may not be very right? and damn. in the morning, before my sister left for school. She picked 3 pages and underlined certain important points for me. She entrusted my mum to have me read them when i wake up. guessed what. That long chapter did came out on a 25% question! To think just flipping through, she caught me 25%!! but then! HAIZZZ. I was reading through what she underlined for me, HOWEVER i cant reeally remember the answer. ANYWAY, shes a genius! goddamnit. i was feeling the pain that i kept exclaiming to myself OMG OMG! My heart felt more pain for the marks lost than than the carpark has cost me. 7.80$ for four hours, damn fcuking expensive! =S ok at least i didnt screw this paper, which i dont even know previously. am i a genius too? i dont know, hope my expectation isnt too high.

Just sitting in the exam hall alone give me the courage to move on. Everything is absolutely clear and transparent when you come facing the music ultimately. Its really. OH, you'll just go goddamneasy. gimme another one more day at the book, im gonna grab a distinction from the examiner. well thats not the case all the time, because we cant reverse time and what had been done has been done. But i can control tomorrow. and i know im gonna be a winner. Anyway, he is getting more and more charming. Sweeping me off my feet. That angled face. New hairstyle and clothes. and of course a body of abs and muscles. Hes not the same old pal anymore. and i think im gonna leave now. His metamorphosis has come, i reckoned. And i will drop him there. Ive said before. I dont flaunt all over the gems like most people do. I unearth the rock stone. Im surprised that his change actually traumatized me. Because its too much in such a short period of time. In return, im more afraid of him now~~

2009-05-19T22:48:00.012+08:00

SINGAPORE INTERNATIONAL PIANO FESTIVAL
schedule is finally out ! ! ! ! ! !

25 - 28 JUNE,
8pm at Victoria Concert Hall.
5 session in all!

OMG. lets see how many concerts i can go~ luckily i only arranged to attend one piano concert in june by far. SIGH, i was hoping for the piano festival to come JULY! Because i have a number of things to do in june... and in july i wont feel so bored.... okok. gonna start booking friends for the concerts! and.. saving money~~~~~~~ i was initially rather down today. but this perks me up! wahahahahahahahaha. Interested parties, do drop me a message, by phone facebook, email or here. Perferably on my mobile because im having my first paper tmr, exam period till 28th may. If wanna enjoy the CAT 1 Seats at 18$ only, please, please get back to me before 23MAY~~~~~ lets enjoy the beautiful classical pieces~~~

Ticket price: S$45, S$35, S$25, S$20

45$ CAT1 Promotion till 24 may ONLY: 36$ per tix
or
Student Price: 8$, Category 4.

QUICK>>>> Book the tickets now.
(official sales start 25may, promotions and SSO friends, begin 15may!)
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2009-05-18T23:24:00.006+08:00

no one understands. I hated it the most when the close ones treated me like a fool. All along i knew what i am doing. 5 years down the road, i'll say the same thing. Just so SWAY, Im at this certain 'project' which eats my life away at this point in time. Yes im depressed. almost going into depression. First, the project is going no where. Second, it affected my studies since the focus is on the project. Dont worry im doing fine, just that im not going to top the paper for sure. Im more upset with my studies than im with the project. No one understand. Its my darkest hours now. Hence every little things which haywired now is just going to bite off a big piece of me. Because im weird. Im in the facade. Im having my finals. Stressed. Im broken. Im vulnerable now. BUT I BELIEVE, as the exams are over, i'll be able to be on my feet. assessing everything like the old again. I'll be myself, with logics and rationality which everyone think they so have it while talking me round. If in my shoes, i dont think they can handle it this well. Never take the advice of the people who has never had your kind of problem. Beause their advice will be too standard along the line assumed rationality. If i can always offer my advice and aid the people around me, i knew i could be there for me myself without fail too. Do you think anyone can affect my emotions? NO. not just anyone at anytime. It depends on what had happened in my life. i hated people assuming facts out of me. Worst, when they got it wrong.

The thing is NOW i knew, when you are at your fallen grace, EVERYONE is rubbing salt in. EVERYONE. Word of encouragement? So easy. Put it in a nice way through the message. Not even listening attentively through the call. I have more than enough friends to do it. If you want to distinguish yourself, do something different. when im requiring that and has outright state my intention.. still unwilling. So much for the replication in the message. When i share with you my whole story, i wasnt looking forward for reprimands. I reveal the weakness in me in the story but it doesnt mean i'll be weak in front of you too. Its always the matter, not the human which has authority over my emotions and me. fcuked. When someone already revealed they are suicidal and someone else is still challenging her emotions thinking they are so cool. i tell you they are just gonna become a murderer. But ohwell, if its me, i'll never give in. It only made me realise who to pick for the seat next to me. And you never knew. when it comes to the last second. All along everything could be just a game. an act. to excite the dull lifestyle. a facade ive put up to attest the human behaviours. Yes im insane. For this period. I threw all shits at anyone. I want to make the worst out of my life and see how far i can go. Anyone, still not leaving?

2009-05-18T18:20:00.001+08:00

sometimes. I dont know what im doing. No congruency of the mind and the actions. Not at all. Im the water. Flowing. Taking the shapes that im given. Versatile and flexible.

2009-05-18T00:08:00.004+08:00

我喜欢你没有保留
我喜欢你就到最后
有些人值得等候
有些悲伤值得忍受

我喜欢你不是冲动
生命尽头反正一场空
只要你记得我那么喜欢过你

我忘不掉你第一次吻我

PS 我爱你 - A-LIN

2009-05-17T23:55:00.002+08:00

Swain disclosed his identity yesterday midnight. :)

2009-05-17T21:20:00.003+08:00

ive done this more than enough.
ten more days.
i'll be able to see twilight and i hope it last me longer before dawn.
because i dont want another dusk too soon.

2009-05-15T11:50:00.007+08:00

SINGAPORE ARTS FESTIVAL 2009
is approaching. have you booked any tickets to the art fest events?

Joanna MacGregor (U.K.)
Piano concert.

DATE: 10 Jun 2009 Wed 07:30PM
VENUE: Esplanade Concert Hall
TICKET PRICE: S$70, S$50, S$40, S$30, S$20

PROGRAMME includes Prelude and Fugue from BACH and SHOSTAKOVICH and pieces from popular Brazilian composers.

the only piano concert organised for the art fest. Im going with annie, so look forward. Pretty bad the Final Fantasy Symphony performance is sold out way long ago, only few days the tickets were launched for sale. so hot. I'd so much wanted to attend that.

2009-05-13T21:58:00.005+08:00

fcuking knock some sense into me. im being too persistent. when my exams ended this end may, i'll be free finally. free from all these shits and go back to court again and play like a lark. i wanna laugh. i wanna ball. i wanna laugh. i wanna learn korean. i wanna dance. i wanna eat. let me be. i'll be fine. i'll be breathing.

gonna have the basketball gatherings coming up.
and the 3 on 3 competition. Almost all of us from the ex team are coming together and play again! Really looking forward to the competition. Then this sunday zuer asked me to go jurong sec and join the JSSAA players for a game in the morning. but i doubt i could since my exams is starting next wednesday. I needed trainings but exams... yesterday i was went shooting bballs with my cousins. started training myself already? ahaha. well. life will get better. i know. The holy ones will watch over me. hehehehehehhehe. with 3 teams of us joining, i hope at least one of us could hit the top 3. at least having extra reason to celebrate after that!

2009-05-11T02:16:00.003+08:00

i thought i might not fell for anyone again.

2009-05-08T12:40:00.003+08:00

shuying said she'll be flying back from canberra on 21st june! yeah siti her and me will then have another round of gathering soon. And by then i'll finish my exams. Should be able to enjoy my time with them!

2009-05-07T14:14:00.003+08:00

for the one who showered me concerns, thanks. i like friends, enjoy having friends. but sometimes i just love being alone, being by myself. Enjoying solitude and freedom. I have to fly, no one should really tie me down. I love having small groups; they warm my heart and we can talk. Even when im out with best friend, i like to indulge in my own world unless you have something better to offer, than what i have got to say. If not most of the time, im gonna interrupt. Not that i didnt care about what they have to say. Merely i preferred a faster pace, no wishy washy from friends since i had enough of mine. Recently i found out that i have very apparent traits of gemini. Due to my birth day. right between cancerian and gemini~ Hence the more complex i found myself to be. Gemini is already having a twin character. together with cancerian. Its going to float my persona and i'll never settle.
despite these, i still hope for the angels to come close.

2009-05-07T00:16:00.007+08:00

late evening i stepped on the gear and drove up to my hideout again. A place to release my emotion from within. It has been accumulating in me over time. i need to spit it out. Pulled over by the sea side, switched to my favourite korean ballads and then tears were trickling off my cheeks almost instantly. As if i could hear them hitting on the seats. i wound down the window, raised my head and pondered. It was the same old navy blanket studded with the little diamonds but they, propelled me further into solitary tonight. I dont understand why it could really get this awful occasionally. The heart does not ache but the floodgate wont close. Melancholy in the wind and sorrow in the sea. I feel the agony of woman in love; lost in love to be exact.

2009-05-06T00:11:00.005+08:00

I will work harder to sweat out my fats FATS FATS FATS.
and witness more of 'human' acts.
screw this pragmatic society~~~~~
we needed man to run the world, not robots someday.

2009-05-05T16:26:00.007+08:00

feel like selling away my car. been rather down on my luck after buying it. gonna be two years already. I believe as you let go, better things will come my way. Or probably in a few months, i shall change a new 2nd hand car? SPORTS CAR I PRAY!!! Just worried it will be out of the budget. 1000$ expense. car or other usage?

Alright, never mind. Last few times when i went out, i did try to convince myself to walk or take bus instead. When im on the bus, i feel the same. its the same old transport which i had used for 19 years. Everyone is taking it too, why not me? Somemore, im just only an adolescent. No one will bother if you drive or no.

im fine with anything. as long as i live and is still breathing. im pretty optimistic with everything. Think about it. i did have a headstart into cars way early than people around me. Its a blessing yes. But also making me feeling very detached from the society. I almost dont know whats the latest fashion trend. Whats the coolest speaking style. What newest electronic gadgets do people usually carry these days. Or the most popular handphone.. because you often see people frantically smsing or playing games on the train..

Since i was young, i was given very sufficient pocket money to last my spendings. In secondary school. i was one of the few to have a handphone in class. Then it was laptop, during that year, not much people had one... In university, dad bought me this car which i really love alot. I admit as time pass, everyone will then begin to possess these items but it doesnt hold much meaning anymore does it. Like owning a car when you are still attending school and owning a car when you already started working. Its different. When you work, everyone could buy a car. But weigh it another way, some people work hard and then strive for the things they wanted in life. Thats not too bad too. Well , one of my regrets is not being able to backpacking overseas for a long stay alone when im still a student.. Too expensive and i have no time to. Anyway i guess i was pretty lucky already since im not from a wealthy family. Im always thankful for whatever i have. Thank you god. I will brace myself better and accept the challenges that i will face in the future.

im especially fussy when its come to time and experience. Because at different stages, it holds experiences for me. One of the examples will be air stewardess. Im sorry but i seriously think being able to travel around through working as an air-stewardess and travelling due to business trip or holidaying is different. The latter appeals more to me because you are paying the airtickets yourself. The first one, put it bluntly. Its only higher class waitress and the standard of air stewardess dropped so much, these days! -.- Akin to one of my girlfriends' theories. She hated people who purchased branded goods overseas and then flaunted in front of her. Her explanation was, if you have the money, please buy it in Singapore. It was way cheaper when you bought in the europe, us or uk..

i dont know. since a child, i felt i often had a too down-to-earth quality in me that im very different from most of my classmates. i believe, with sincerity, it'll fetch me to where i wanted to go.
no matter what i own or dont own.
ups or downs.
im still me. love me for who i am.
i'll love you too.

2009-05-04T17:52:00.005+08:00

currently its two weeks of study break till the exams.
daylight in 24 days!!
cant wait.
ive confined myself more than enough the past 5 years.
after that, im gonna meet all my old sweet friends. yes all of you.

2009-04-30T22:45:00.002+08:00

Went to the dam again.. was surpriised to find it crowded on a thursday early night. Families. Parents with kids.. Then i realised, its Labour Day tomorrow. Public holiday eve. no wonder.

2009-04-30T22:44:00.001+08:00

The last day of school today, ending off with financial management lecture. Mr Chong is the lecturer. Not bad i have a shuaige lecturer for my last university lecture! I'll try to remember this for life.
well what could i say?!!
two years passed so fast!! i didnt even have a time to take a breath! but i do enjoy every school day. ok, i'll have a grand post on university days after my exams.
meanwhile. MUG.
i need a big one.

2009-04-29T23:48:00.007+08:00

"its the darkest before dawn."
To spur me going on, jeff will often ring these words around my ears. Each time he said it, i have different enlightenment.

no matter how bright the lamp is, the sky is still overcast. We can only wait for dawn to break, rays of hope will come.

I like the streets. i enjoy serenity. makes me feel.

brooding brooding.

well.

im very much a sentimental person. when some people seriously lack of it, i own too much. indeed i was enjoying the night till a car came pulling up behind me. It was a couple. Immediately they parked their car, they began hugging and peaking on the lips as they talk. i dont mean to peep but everything is as apparent as it was through the rear view mirror. Initially i was looking at the car because drivers tend to have this anxiety when somebody parked behind you, just worrying if they'll bang your car. so i witness everything. But well they upset me because they reminded me of a hog. cant imagine, my tears rolling almost instantly.

2009-04-28T13:16:00.012+08:00

With a new hairstyle (but not new body), i was trying to pull off the model look before i step out of da house in the afternoon. and i thought it was quite good. Seriously, i wanna lose my chubby cheeks and tone up the body after my papers. cant wait. In the photo i was trying to hide the cheeks lines and eye bags with a straight stern outlook (no expression) so i'll look younger. not too bad isnt it.

on my way home from school. i went to the ZOO.

I have been wanting to do that everytime to and fro school because its one of the bypass route in amidst my journey to school. So after my lecture (second last!!) i lurked around outside ZOO deciding if i wanna have an icecream there for half an hour. but thinking parking is 3.90$ per entry, i drop the idea.

This is my extremely beautiful niece. been hanging out with her these nights frequently. shes a cutie!

we took quite a number of photos everytime!
haha. sharing our cheeky ones. will update again next time.

2009-04-27T23:36:00.011+08:00

eventually.
after so much naggings from cousins. and friends.
i had a hair-do today.

i still can pull off this; ACT CUTE.

its the first day today. Hair is still very flat. Not that my hairstyle is the trendiest, but i did look alot more younger didnt I? thanks thanks. Now i have to slim my face because it looked very chubby with the new hairstyle. I have to. Sleep earlier and eat healthier. Then i need to tone up my flabby muscles, frequenting the gym after my exams. What else. Visit the dentist. then. AIYA. Overall a makeover, to prepare myself for the workforce. Not that i could change alot, at least im improving didnt i? Evon, fighting. Now i gotta mug mug mug.

2009-04-25T15:08:00.010+08:00

King & Emperor

Singapore Symphony Orchestra

Jean-Claude Casadesus conductor

Barry Douglas piano

Marc Rochester organ

Program:

BEETHOVEN - Piano Concerto No. 5 in E-flat major, Op. 73 'Emperor'

SAINT-SAËNS - Symphony No. 3 in C minor, Op. 78 'Organ Symphony'

Venue: Esplanade Concert Hall

Time: 24 April 2009 730pm.

Quite a magnificent view of the Singapore Symphony Orchestra in the Esplanade Concert Hall.

Initially was enjoying the performance till the guy in front of me was edging so forward that he blocked almost 40% of my view. I know we enjoy the music with the ears but when im paying for the SSO concert, i expected a good visual register of the performance as well. It was only till the second piece that i remind that guy to sit BACK. Alright, very nice, he did sit back (to enjoy) after that. Thank you but he did spoil my first piece anyway; the beethoven composition. Because half of the time im boiling. The tune of Beethoven's emperor piano concerto isnt my favourite tunes and with the guy spoiling picture, the first half of the concert was pretty much wasted.

Despite that, the concert was still well worth since we bought the tix that comes with student discounts. At least i didnt spend it on some crap movies. Except when the conductor finally left the stage with the orchestra members, i was reluctant to leave, just like the other audiences. Typical scene if you attend any classical concerts.

The audience will be very generous with their applause and hoped that will encore for more pieces; you know, since we already paid, why not. 'Make it more worth for the tickets, please.' I was telling Jeff to watch on for the habituals applause.

Yesterday it was the same. When beethoven piece ended, Barry Douglas thanked 3 times. Then i was sure he was shy when he played one encore piece before the audience decided to let him off and went for a break during the intermission. For the second symphony, the last piece when it ended. the audiences were still rooted to their seats, sprinkling on Jean, the conductor and the SSO with further 7mins applaud. The conductor, at least, did a show.

Went in and came out to thank the audience more than 4 times. Later he was urging the members to stand and bow as well. Still, was he stingy? Everyone still continued with the clappings till finally, the conductor urged the sso to stand and leave the stage together. It was almost the immediate next second, the thunderous applause broke off and people were leaving the seats.

My two cent worth; i dont think it was that an astounding performance. At least it was successful, because it requires alot effort to present a symphony. Standard wise, i think we are still far from an extremely professional SSO. It felt rojak to me, because the various instruments' sound doesnt seem to blend well together. Timing, beats and rhythms. I was rather perplexed with the bountiful applaud and cheerings. So was the performance too good that the audience was asking for an encore? Or do we just want to make the tickets more worth? I asked jeff for his opinion. But he is unwilling to lay a conclusion. He explained " it wasnt good for me to offer my view when i wasnt sure of the standards'. He made me realised i was quite a critic. Still, im looking forward for such concerts. Can they release piano festival 2009 calendar soon~

After the concert, we went for late dinner at thai express. When i was diving for the green curry the moment it was served, i knew i was actually, famished.

and if i have more time, i'll treat my eyebags.