It was really true when its said that people will ride above your head when you are too kind. Not that im writing any 3853878327 words article for my own encounters, i see them happening alot around me actually. It hurts me alot.

The weak suffers, everytime. Agreed? Do you know what? I think being kind and nice are almost blend into the categories, weak these days.

Have you ever trying to be a lil kinder, easygoing and accommodating but people just take advantage of your that supposingly positive points? They think you are weak. Not cool enough. And being with you, such a friend, they felt ashamed. They felt you are a burden in the group. Yet you tried very hard, and be yourself, hoping that someone out there in the society will accept you for who you are. However pretty sad, your soul got hurt again. This time round, which you had already lost count.

And then you became afraid. You build a shield when you gets to interact with the humans in the future. This time round you do not dare to open up yourself to anybody again. You are no longer you. You are just acting like somebody whom you thought would not get you hurts. You chose to live in a shell. You laugh, joke around, talks to everybody. You thought this made you somebody thats deem popular in a group. You thought in this way, you can hide all your sadness in your eyes behind all those smiles. No you dont confide anymore. You chose to write. At the same time, you only had good time friends. Which means you have alot of friends when you are somebody, thought to be cheerful by nature. Somebody with no worries. Somebody people sees, and they can laugh with you. They all want happy friends.

Similarly you are also a bad time friend. As in people came running to you when they met problems, need your help bla bla. They always forget about you when they are enjoying. They didnt ask you along when they are going to have a spread. They never includes you when theres attractive job offer because they thought you are rich. They thought you have no worries about money in life, like them. JUST because you never ever dare to confide in them that you had financial problem, JUST probably for this period of time.

Sometimes it was told; Always think the opposite of what you think. "Even some author came out with a book about it. Its sold in popular, you might get yourself one." I always did. But the fact that you can only choose to think about 2 ways; Either the positive or negative. So how? If you are trying to choose the positive thought because you dont want to misunderstand your friend, yet you are told to think the opposite? Huh? Negative? see the limited choices in life when they are supposed to be a wide range to choose from, cuz the world is so big. Positive negative positive negative? If you chose positive always. You'll seem like a bloody fool to everyone. Negative? people thought u are a sadist. Choices? Are they meant to be chosen? Or their existence are mere to confuse people?

Alrights, Hence, so? After hiding behind a mask for a long long time, gradually . . you might also realised that you are losing yourself to the world. You no longer knew who you are. You meet new people. They asked "Whats your personality?" "Whats your character?" Well, can this simple question ever got you stumped?

Unfortunately, yes it did to me. Recently, I found out that i could no longer give an answer to that because apparently, i think i had lost my very trueself in amidst faming after some stupid desires.

Sometimes im just not the person i appear to be. I dunno. I dont understand myself. Why i like chhanges alot? I really like having people to tell me, "hey evon you've changed" Be it feminine? Sporty? More down-to-earth? HUH? More what and what? I dont know. I agreed theres many sides to oneself. Does this explains why four faced buddha had four face? Has it already long tell us about this harsh reality? Onself having many faces? characters?

i so wanted to type much more but my eyelids are feeling heavy.

okay, so i just wanted to be a little nicer to everybody. I want to help every individuals who seriously needed to be lent a hand. I dont want to see people, friends or relatives around me to suffer. i want to see them happy. Frankly, people dont read too much into my little kindess though i beg that you would appreciate me for evereything i had done for you guys. Not that this will make me shallow when i just appeared to be nice to everyone. Of cuz, i might wanna bbe good to you because you are my that good friend whom i treasure, whom i love to have in this lifetimes.

You know sometimes i just really love hanging around true friends, who can joked with me. Who love me for WHO i am. Who WILL always be there during, be it my happy moments or darkest hours. I just wanna share. Time is very short. Life is even shorter. I want to live it to the fullest. Though i had caught glimpse of the most ugly sights of the reality, i just want to continue to be myself. The once Yiwen, whom everybody looks up to, respect in school. Whom they turn to when they have any questions, be in class or in life. The student whom the teachher thought to be the brightest, thhe once cream of the crop like what she told me.

I just want some friends to stay by my sides. People i can share my secrets with, people whom i can have a coffee with in the wee hours in the night. Friends i can call to come out anytime. i dunno. But its hard to be kind throughout our whole life. Ever think why you want to be kind? Why you donate money? why you wanna be good?

Are we really kind by nature? or do we just want to project a image by creating a good reputation, a good image for ourselves? Do we donate becuz u felt the need to or u think u are kind, so U MUSt donate? think about it. argh. so see we dont understand ourselves. Probably only heaven knew it all. Bottom line: JUST dont gossip, tell tales about people, dont frame people, dont make people feel bad, look bad. Dont ruin other's reputation, dont anyhow judge people. argh so much. Just be good all my friends.

im feeling drunk cuz im darn sleepy at this time, 2.43 am whereas im sleeping early this few weeks. okokokokk

Well i just dont want to grow up. It pains me alot to see the HARSH reality. SAve the earth, anybody??

If only i have some powers. This is what i never ever thought i'd wanted now so badly in the past. Im off.