fcuking full. just had another Fa Cai Yu Sheng~ third one since new year! and steamboat. mum's friends came visiting today~ and here im back in the room, with my reports and assignments. seemed that i can just never finish them because i was troubling over him. So i told my sister the deal tts going on with me and this pal of mine. She advised me to drop him off this period too. See my studies, theres time constraint, im having my exams in, right 4 months. But for him, i dont know. theres no time constraint, he'll still be there but im just afraid that another few months will just make him go away, into the arms of others again. yet again, it doesnt make him mine even if im by his side. see. Love cant be ordered. I dont know. My sister asked me what do i want from him. i really dont know what the outcome i expect of us. But then all i know is im nno longer his ideal girl. ive changed. thats one upsetting practical fact. that when u changed for the worst, someones leaving.

my sister pointed them out; older face features. messy hairs. bloated figure. not so fit. not so style. and my soul mate pointed out: low confidence, no more aura, ive lost the halo in me. when I WAS BEFORE HIM.

OHMAN. how? im losing it when im in university. goddamn. and the thing is my sis cried while telling me how much ive lost myself, these 3 months. she tears. i felt so, guilty. darn him, created all these upheaval for me. and darn me myself for allowing him to create these burning passion in me. im feeling this miserable because ive not been seeing anyone these days as i just wanna coop up at home for books. or either to the library. then its not going to help as my heart 90% of the time felt like getting out there, to make merry. and HE IS there making merry. blithefully ignorant, of me. Get out.