no one understands. I hated it the most when the close ones treated me like a fool. All along i knew what i am doing. 5 years down the road, i'll say the same thing. Just so SWAY, Im at this certain 'project' which eats my life away at this point in time. Yes im depressed. almost going into depression. First, the project is going no where. Second, it affected my studies since the focus is on the project. Dont worry im doing fine, just that im not going to top the paper for sure. Im more upset with my studies than im with the project. No one understand. Its my darkest hours now. Hence every little things which haywired now is just going to bite off a big piece of me. Because im weird. Im in the facade. Im having my finals. Stressed. Im broken. Im vulnerable now. BUT I BELIEVE, as the exams are over, i'll be able to be on my feet. assessing everything like the old again. I'll be myself, with logics and rationality which everyone think they so have it while talking me round. If in my shoes, i dont think they can handle it this well. Never take the advice of the people who has never had your kind of problem. Beause their advice will be too standard along the line assumed rationality. If i can always offer my advice and aid the people around me, i knew i could be there for me myself without fail too. Do you think anyone can affect my emotions? NO. not just anyone at anytime. It depends on what had happened in my life. i hated people assuming facts out of me. Worst, when they got it wrong.

The thing is NOW i knew, when you are at your fallen grace, EVERYONE is rubbing salt in. EVERYONE. Word of encouragement? So easy. Put it in a nice way through the message. Not even listening attentively through the call. I have more than enough friends to do it. If you want to distinguish yourself, do something different. when im requiring that and has outright state my intention.. still unwilling. So much for the replication in the message. When i share with you my whole story, i wasnt looking forward for reprimands. I reveal the weakness in me in the story but it doesnt mean i'll be weak in front of you too. Its always the matter, not the human which has authority over my emotions and me. fcuked. When someone already revealed they are suicidal and someone else is still challenging her emotions thinking they are so cool. i tell you they are just gonna become a murderer. But ohwell, if its me, i'll never give in. It only made me realise who to pick for the seat next to me. And you never knew. when it comes to the last second. All along everything could be just a game. an act. to excite the dull lifestyle. a facade ive put up to attest the human behaviours. Yes im insane. For this period. I threw all shits at anyone. I want to make the worst out of my life and see how far i can go. Anyone, still not leaving?