A sad entry as a tribute to my ex classmate. PohLoong

"Jiejie, do you know your ex classmate, PL commited suicide? " - my brother Daniel.
"HUH?!" I exclaimed, shooking my head in disbelief.
"The wake will be held tomorrow" Daniel
Even the last hope of hearing him withhelding his breath in the hospital ICU waiting to be revived was being swept away by the big waves. Leaving the piece of silence lingering in the air for a little, little while. As still as the sandy beach, while awaiting for the next splash of waves.


Friendster is sorta out of times and the addiction was fading off that i wasnt on frequently till Sunday, the sudden urgency came. Maybe i was bored. I took a peek at a few sec school mates' profile, including PL's. His photos reflected he was doing well. Large number of friends in the picture and some handsome poses. haha.

Who knows? Behind that smile, it may not go the same for the protagonist.

These days, im usually home-bound for my homely leisures, if not town[Shop & Eat] or school. Occasionally, my brother will come home and tell me he had bumped into so&so who asked about me. PL too, who shared the same cca with my bro in school, wouldnt fail to ask "Hows your sister doing." "Where is she schooling now" .. "Still active in basketball?" .. "Send her my regards" .. when he met my brother on the streets. I felt so touched upon hearing these. Most people may not know. I do appear stern & vicious, but all my close friends know im soft at heart & is a v.sentimental person. Little regards like this really do warm my heart and can make me stay loyal for long.

Yet this time round was the unexpected!

Late into the night, i was still tossing in my bed. Despite not remaining in touch with him these few years, for the very least we were in the same class during sec 1&2, same Literature group which we did a fantastic skit exam for the Literature Book: "Clay Marble", together with Valerie, Mingyao, Johnny. In which our acting scored a splendid full marks, the highest out of all cohords of the same level. We were not close. Hence that is my best part memory out of him.

There is not much fond memory of secondary school in class because most of it were spent on basketball court. Majority of the time in class, i was either napping or in my basketball trains of thought. Then yesterday, suddenly some of the goody moments in sec 1&2 ran through my mind. The scenes just seemed like it is only yesterday. [if the song "yesterday" from beatles were to be played now]

"Wah Pongjie, change your hairstyle ah"
"Looks good eh"
His flattery never fail to brighten up one's day.
And yes he called me pongjie, an alias given by Dexiang during science class when Mr Lee mentioned Pingpong balls. "Pingpong" 'Evon" "E-Pong" i could hear Dexiang uttering this 2 seats away. "Oh no no, i smell something bad going to happen"- i thought. Since then most guys from 2E3 & their close acquaintances called me E-pong which, after revolution, became pongjie. A nick which i felt very respected.

My impression of PL. An extrememly jovial guy who is notorious for his lame jokes. Notorious because sometimes you'll think its too cold to listen to him. Although sometimes he would lament about life & his reasoning quite, seriously.

People often like to ask. Who is the clown of your gang etcs. The answer shouldnt be a name only. Everyone cant be a clown 24hr all round the clock if you understand. That position will be constantly moving around within a gang. To me, PL seemed like the clown for all of us without fail since sec1. I was pondering, if there is ever any clowns in his. If there is, will today be different?

I really do appreciate his effort in cheering everyone up and his kindness towards friends in school. I shed a little tears yesterday and was frantically asking my brother to obtain more reliable information from his batch to de-confirm on the bad news. As much as i was crossing my fingers that it isnt true & starting to notify my ex classmates, more people began spreading the news like it did happen.

In the afternoon, my brother told me the venue for his wake. I passed the message around as my brother said "PL's friends said he hoped as many will attend his funeral as possible". My heart sank further. Probably he wants to see all of his friends for one last time. Definitely, judging from his character, he loves the crowd. Also, hoping all of us to acknowledge the fact hes gone, and will be forever gone.

Till now im not sure of the whole incident. At times refusing to accept the fact. Intend to visit the wake today with Sheena, Meowying & Val, but didnt go because Peiwen is going with me tomorrow. Some friends entrusted me the tasks in sending their regards. Eg. Mingyao who is at N.Zealand and a few friends who cant make it, due to NS, work & studies. As a friend, initially i was even thinking of going every night, including the last night so i can stay till the next morning to send him OFF on the last day. The one last thing i can do for him. Then again, when i was asking for advices from my parents and friends. They said since its a friend u dont keep in contact with, just attend one day and if you want, put bai jin[money] should be fine. This differs alot from my intial plan which i even felt like ordering a beautiful flower wrath for him.

I heard many people are attending the wake, i assumed it would at least make the parents of PL felt comforted. Although.. although we are NOT the genuine friends who stayed by his side during his darkest moments. Is it going to be times like this, then we're going to give our friends a hug and treasure them more? PL's accident may have bridged the opportunity for many of us to come together again. Cry together and stay in touch for a few more months. However, will all of us really do start to cherish having each other. Smirks*

Some of the quotes when people learnt about PL's ...
"Why is it so sudden"
"OMG!"
"What made him ...."
"Super sad" Very depressed"
"What a pity.." "Wrong choice.."
"Everyone is struggling just to live too"

For no reasons, i got a little self-blaming. You know if we were to show him more concern, maybe it wouldnt be like this.. For a thousands of reasons we can implement into our actions daily to prevent such a tragedy. Prevent being a show off, a baddie, an overpowering & enduring friend, who exert substantial amount of pressure or inferiority on your peers. Save the lashing tongues. badmouthing. gossiping. rumours. 因果报应， 不由得你不信。

Swee said comparing the choice to die or live, the latter was the bravery act.
It certainly is. Why PL bears to shut his eyes and succumbed to the deathgod? At our prime, only 20 yrs old! I believed most of our friends felt the pinch to lost him this early.

Everything above was too late. Even for not-such-a-close-friend, i felt affected. Life. Sigh.