Yesterday midnight i really feel like going out for a spin myself. After getting the keys, unlike most what other teens(im still U21) would do, till now i haven really get to enjoy myself with this new possession. Everyday, practically everyday ive been occupied. If not i feel the urge to go home sometimes, as i just dont bear to throw my parents at home whereas i go out and party myself. i felt, a little suffocated. At this point in time, when lecturers have been breathing examintions, examinations down your neck. I know im already wasting time blogging. Let me be alright. i need to vent all these frustrations before i get sick. Lets dont mention the times when i slacked, practised piano, online 'jamming(looking at jam's stuff)' whole day, tv-ing, workingout too, which my mum had been pointing fingers at me, lamenting im not even revising while i have the time to, but what can i do when i could usually revise in the night when no one bothers me. Can someone understand when i said im going to study for the one whole week, one whole month, it doesnt mean i have to sacrifice all my leisures for the sake of it. Merely, it meant i have no time for anything else, trivial (to me) currently.

This coming week i have two tests. And ive already started planning my schedule. Just now when i came back from lecture, my mum conveyed the message from one-of-my-CLOSEST-relatives who wanted me to fetch her and her son who is moving in to the school hostel. The route is like this. Central to North, North to central, then Central to North again to home. i really dont mind these chauffeuring chores because i love this relative of mine and my cousin alot. BUT WHY, WHY AT such a timing when im gonna get all stressed up and busy? i do feel like turning her down.. Of course i didnt, i gave my reply that i could. However if you understand it is going to take up one WHOLE NIGHT. Preparation, journey here and there.

That one night is vital because ive been lazy one past month while trying catch up with the class on the earlier topics, and my dad was critically ill for the before 2 months. Do you know how much time has been taken up and how i was so worried that time that i cant even concentrate in school? Prior to that, i took around 1month to get used to the school, lectures, new topics and the homework. Now its the period for me to gear up on my revision so that i can have my prelims in end feb at ease. Ah, do you know Chinese New Year is coming. Really so damn. I dont know why. Ultimately i really dont want to cry over my papers and my bleak future. No one is going to foot that piece of bill for me, right?

No that relative isnt that demanding. Merely i was thinking as much as you have planned. Thing crops up and make your plan goes haywires. WHY? Its all because im too stupid, ive been too lazy. ive been too busy to do necessary things? NO. Its because we are all living in this retarded world.

In their eyes, im always seem to have time too. I dont know why. Although its a 2-3 day school week because i planned all my lectures into 2-3 days. It doesnt goes to show im not occupied. There is tutorials and we were told to do alot alot self-study if we can. Please acknowledge that. Probably they often see me stayed home these days, which i did so to rest in order to have more focus on my tutorials and books better. That i can accompany my family more and i can stay home to interact with my sister who looked quite lonely at home. Not that i didnt go out you see. Ive been doing that for the past 6years. Especially during that basketball peak period when im not home 24/7. The time when I didnt do well for studies. I dont want history to repeat. So just please leave me alone when you often see me at home. I know what i should or should not do. You dont have to remind how homely, 'obedient' i am. I intended it this way. Being home always doesnt mean that person slacked. Gary lent me his basketball movie vcd for 3 months. i haven even watched. Its all a matter of choice if you asked me. i just dont bear to pick out 3 hours to sit myself in front of the screen to watch it yet. Though i know i will do so soon because i reckoned i would return the vcd before feb comes.

As much as magnanimous i am.
Im these discriminating when it comes to time.