oh how i miss you.
life has never been this fulfilling. im working mon fri to earn money with my brain and sweat. meeting people from above my level. the finance managers, accountants. CEOs and directors. Recently i was auditing one of the accounts of the established F&B local restaurants, met the chairman and we chatted. He was kidding i could work late over at his semi-office and home property, that has a market price of $3million. His staff were leaving, theres me and the mister only. I like my job because with this title granted to me, i was able to network with people, with ability and status way beyond my level. People respect and love you. I love the mannerism and the friendliness coming from the people, despite the possibility of faking and shallowness. Afterall, people are treating me, nice. Civilization is important, because i stand no gawkiness.
Frequent friday nights, i'll be out there painting the town. ahem, painting the food. Shopped plenty, Ate alot, much laughter. I'll be with my friends. my colleagues. People whom i feel safe with, whom i feel comfortable leaving myself with. Come weekends, i rise early. Visit the markets, immersed myself with aunties, uncles and the marketers. To remind myself that, there could be still the simple and gullible elderly arounds. Those who buy for the family, that means shopping for FOOD to whip up meals for the family says that particular human is carrying with them the purest, pristine intention with them. The thought of this is enough to warm me. Thus, i like, i like to hang around the market with these people. Even it means seeing the bangladesh in the market; who works hard, earns little but is marketing for food to fill their stomachs. smiles.
When i have time in the morning, i'll care for my plants, watering and ensure they receive plenty of sunshine. I love potted greenies and fresh flowers. Also, i have to shrub the mini-pond of my terrapin, communicate with him in case he felt too lonely. Terrapin is a lonely creature, fortunately, they love solitary, so it doesnt matter i only spend my time with him on the weekends. Human is different, we felt lonely in the heart most of the time but, we do not love the feeling for long. Occasionally in the afternoon i'll bang on the piano; i have alot scores waiting for me to play but ive been busy recently. Same goes to my books, who are laid, too neatly in the bookshelves. Argh need to flip them soon. I read alot too, and then appreciate a good movie in the evening. If not for the aforementioned, i'll sleep alot like i never do in the weekdays. Pretty true, i never sleep enough on weekdays. hees. Now my sister insisted i played Khalil Fong's song in the background. I told her, i wanted either an english or korean song to be played. But well, we played "Nothings gonna change my love for you". This sings into my heart. No matter, where i was, where i am. He never leave my thought. Hes there with me, in my thought. I imagined one time, if. If hes dead somewhere someday, i'll be unable to take it. But i'll mourn for him like a widow. I'll be with him throughout the wake, i'll cry relentlessly. I'll take care of his family for him. To me, it'll be the highest level of love that i could give, him. Im pretty happy with my life these days, but without him, its never, ever complete. Thought i should work hard to fill this empty piece of puzzle of my heart. But i dont know how much further i have to go to warm his heart again. His heart, who has long given up on everyone, including himself. I went to his house yesterday. Just wanna caught a glimpse of things that associated with him; and i'll be contented. Just like i used to do; driving to his house everyday after school. Not a stalker, but i want him safe and sound. Even if it means watching him afar, even if it means, watching him with someone he love, from afar. I dont mind. I saw potted plants outside his home. The number grows. Well, hes someone with enormous love, that he has to water them into his plants, feeding them to his pets. He kept a fair amount of pets. Oh god how i need him by me now. At times, i couldnt help, i walk to his door and stop. Hes just within 3m-4metres from me but we are like worlds apart. As the saying goes, "my love is before me but he dont know i love him".

If i had to live my life without you near me my life would be empty life would be so long.
i miss you, only you.